It's an Amazing Life
by the.invi3ible.girl.5
Summary: Oliver thinks Starling would be better off without him, but what would Starling City be like if Oliver never made it off the island?
1. Chapter 1

As a nod to _It's A Wonderful Life_, I had this idea and couldn't get it out of my head. I'm new to all of this so please be gentle:) Disclaimer: The idea and recognizable characters are not mine, and belong to DC, the CW, and Frank Capra. No copyright infringement intended.

He wouldn't let anyone hurt her, and sadly that included him. Felicity couldn't see that, but he loved her more than he loved being happy. And while he was happy, she wasn't, even if she pretended to be. Oliver was tired of not being able to give her what she wanted, but her safety was always the first thing on his mind.

Standing outside of Verdant he made up his mind this time to let her go after a year of back and forth. Oliver never could stop dangling maybes. And she didn't need that. Not that watching her walk around the foundry was much easier, but he'd live with that, the same way he did with loving her because it wouldn't go away.

Just because they weren't together didn't mean they still weren't a team. While he was the Arrow he would always need her, just like he needed Diggle, Roy, and Laurel. They were the only family he had left besides Thea. So here he was waiting, but seeing her walking toward the club, he wasn't sure he could go through with it after their fight two days ago. She was wearing that pink dress; God how he loved that dress and she knew it. He loved watching her innocence; she never did see how beautiful she was, even in the dark. The only thing that didn't match her outfit was the frown on her face as she stopped right in front of him.

Can we talk?" He asked her.

"Well, are you are you done being an ass Ollie? She bit back.

She knew he hated when she called him that, he was never Ollie to her. Ollie was a completely different man, someone Oliver wouldn't even recognize now. The only person who even called him that still was Laurel, and even that was only once in a while.

"Felicity."

"Oliver."

"I don't want to keep fighting anymore," he said, glancing down the block to make sure there were no people who would get to watch the screaming match that was about to happen.

"We wouldn't be fighting if you wouldn't keep pushing me away," she said.

"Why can't you see I'm trying to do what's best for you?" He asked her, even though he already knew she wouldn't accept it.

"You don't get to tell me what I get to do Oliver," and she brings her hands up to her face rubbing her temples slowly before continuing, "We've gone around and around about this, I wish you see how what happened last week doesn't even matter."

Now it was Oliver's turn to be frustrated. The "what happened" she was referring to was her getting stabbed at the museum last week. He knew he shouldn't have let her come too, but her and Laurel, they'd been working on it, fighting with the guys. But he still knew Felicity wasn't ready.

He hated admitting she wasn't made for it, the way Laurel was. She didn't have the grit or gut to put someone down. Its part of what he loved about her. She made him feel like he wasn't a killer. The way she called him a hero like she believed it to the core of her being.

"Oliver," her fingers snapped in front of his face bringing him back. "It's a constant struggle," she adds, "We fight... We stop talking... Then one day I talk too much... I make you laugh... We go back to normal... We decide to try again... Then it's..."

"Felicity," he reaches up pulling her face towards his, "Take a breath," a grin forming on his face.

"This is what you do to me," she whispers, "My mouth moves ahead of my brain."

"I love that about you," he smiles bigger.

"Stop that." She says.

"What? He asks back.

"Reeling me back in when I know that's not what you plan on doing. I know you, like I know where this conversation is headed right now," she says.

"I don't want to lose you." Even as he says it, he knows it was the wrong thing to say and she goes off.

"But you did lose me," she screamed back. "You're losing me right now! You never even let me try, you just cut the cord!"

"I didn't mean like that," he whispered letting his thumb lightly brush her cheek. It usually calmed both of them down, when he would hold her face in his hands like this.

"What happened at the museum was an accident Oliver." She tried to reassure him, "There was nothing you could have done."

"If you didn't work for me, if I'd never met you, your life would be a whole lot safer, he argued, "I won't lose you like I lost Sara."

"Sara," she murmured lightly, assessing his meaning before realizing what he meant. "I'm going to die Oliver, one day, maybe today, maybe tomorrow, but it's out of your control; and I'd rather die doing something I love surrounded by people that love me, than alone back in that old IT department. That wasn't living. Why don't you understand that?"

He didn't say anything, and he wasn't going to. He wasn't going to budge, and it broke her heart almost as much as it broke his. This was the end this time and they both knew it.

She decided to speak first, "Let's just, take a step back from this for now. I'm just going to go in and talk to Dig, and you stay safe on your patrol."

She leaned up slowly, planting a light kiss on his cheek before walking towards the entrance and opening the door to the club. He couldn't explain it and he didn't know why, but he had a terrible feeling as he jumped on his bike.

/

The whole patrol was quick: two muggings, one shooting, and one house break in. Relatively easy night for The Arrow with all things considered. With Roy off with Thea, everything went as smooth as possible, considering he was all alone, which should have told him something was off.

Leaving the house he made a quick call to Lance explaining the intruders had tried to hold the couple hostage while emptying out everything they had. After two quick arrows to the leg and one to the others shoulder, they were now securely zip tied and an officer was on their way, but he still had this terrible feeling. Like he didn't have enough time left.

He made it two blocks before he felt them. Bullets. He thought he'd got them, but there must have been a third man. Looking up he saw a sniper on the roof. It was a paid job, and whoever wanted him knew he'd come, to this house. Knew he'd listen to the police scanner, knew he couldn't resist. It wasn't the first time someone tried to hurt the Arrow.

He felt like something was crushing his chest. Like the air had left his lungs. "_Don't panic_," he kept telling himself, "_Keep breathing, and get help_." Oliver clicked his com, trying to get ahold of Felicity, praying she was still at the foundry.

"Felicity," he huffed, "Are you there?"

"Oliver I was just heading out, everything clear?" She asked.

"Send Dig, I need... Help... Just send... Help," he kept gasping.

"Oliver?! Oliver listen to me, just hold on alright."

He could hear the small clicks of the computer, her voice telling John he was four miles away.

"Six bullets he murmured, "A punctured lung I think."

"What?" She asked panicked.

"I didn't see him, how did I not see him?" He asked himself.

"Oliver its okay, John's not that far from you, you're near the foundry, just keep talking," she stammers.

"Isn't that your job?" he wheezes into her ear, he can practically see the small smile forming on her lips

"Always," she whispers feeling tears in her eyes as she's hearing John yelling that he's close one second and the next she hears Oliver gasping for breath. "I'm calling 911," she says.

"Don't," he pleads into the com.

"We aren't equipped to handle this here. By the time we drag you down hear we could be too late." She says. "Starling General is only a few more miles away," she adds quickly.

"They can't know, I don't want anyone else to know," his voice begging into her ear now. At the end I guess everyone will beg for what they want, even if it doesn't make any sense.

"Oliver this is your life were talking about."

"Yes, so let Oliver Queen die in a tragic mugging then," he says.

"Why are we even arguing about this?" she said, "You aren't going to die."

"But it would be better for everyone if I did," he said, "No one is safe around me."

"You save people every day Oliver," she argued.

"No, Oliver Queen doesn't save anyone, The Arrow does, and every time The Arrow becomes more important, Oliver Queen slowly disappears," he says.

"They should still know you're a hero," She murmurs.

"The people that matter already do," he answers her.

"Oliver please," Felicity was crying now. It would always hurt him to hurt her, but he already felt what she couldn't. Even if they got him to the hospital there was no way he'd survive this.

"We can die any day Felicity," he said turning her earlier words on her, "Maybe today maybe tomorrow, it's out of our control."

"We all need the Arrow, she says, "Starling needs him, and I need you."

He wants to ask her if she needs him Oliver Queen, or him The Arrow, but he already knows what she would say. Both, because she doesn't know if one can exist without the other.

Instead he says, "Maybe that's the problem."

She ignores him when she hears the noise in the background. "John's there." She can hear his car screeching. "John, she asks, "John how bad is it?" He doesn't answer her. "John? Please."

His voice is hesitant. "It's not good."

"Bring him to the hospital John."

"Felicity." John says. In his voice alone she can tell he has already given up.

"I don't care if you rip the whole outfit off now so they don't find out," she yells, "Get him to the hospital!" "Oliver don't you dare give up on me" she whispers.

"Goodbye Felicity," he breathes out as the coms both go silent...


	2. Chapter 2

I'd like to thank all of you for the wonderful welcome. I hope you like where I take this story, as it's still constantly changing in my head. Disclaimer: The idea and recognizable character are not mine, and belong to DC, the CW, and Frank Capra. No copyright infringement intended.

**Chapter 2: Waking Up.**

He opened his eyes and all he saw was Starling. The tall city, the skyscrapers almost felt like they were surrounding him whole.

"It's beautiful isn't it?" A voice said behind him, a voice he'd recognize anywhere, one that haunted him in his sleep.

"Dad?" He whispered turning around to face his father. Robert Queen in the flesh, it couldn't be. "How is this? This isn't real."

"I'm real Oliver, it isn't like the last time," his father said.

He remembered seeing his father on the Lian Yu, the man whose face he saw sometimes in strangers on the street. But his father's voice brought him back to the present. "And right now we're in a very real Starling City."

"But you're dead," Oliver murmured.

His father shrugged before speaking, "So are you."

It doesn't feel right; he remembers losing consciousness right after telling Felicity goodbye. "I guess they really couldn't save me," he murmured. My story ended the same way as Sara's.

"Believe me son they tried, but you can't save someone who's already given up," his father said.

"Then what exactly am I doing here? Is this my own kind of personal hell then?" Oliver asked.

"We should take a walk, catch up on a few things," his dad answered. Each building they passed he knew where they would end up. Closer and closer to QC, the first place he'd thought of and the last place he really wanted to be right now.

"Can't you just tell me what's going on?" You already know how I feel about your "life lesson" lectures," Oliver groaned.

"You'll find out soon enough," his dad points towards the old newspaper stand on the corner. "Why don't you check what day it is?" Glancing at the paper, Oliver saw, "_It couldn't be right."_

"I came home a year ago today," Oliver sighed. "So I'm in the past?" Robert shook his head huffing out a small breath.

"In a way it's the past, but you didn't come home, not this time," his father says. Oliver frowned trying to understand what he meant. "You didn't want to be the Arrow, so you never made it off the island, and now I'm just here to show you what became of your city now that you aren't alive to save it."

/

They stand in front of Queen Consolidated, the building looking exactly the same as when he left it, before he noticed that people aren't looking at him, aren't staring.

"They can't see you, or feel you," Robert says tapping a man on the shoulder. "You're a "ghost," invisible, whatever you'd like to call yourself."

"Then what's the point of all this? Why should I even be here?" Oliver complained. He didn't want to be in Starling. He knew it was selfish but a large part of him was happy it was finally over; he could finally stop hurting people.

"To see how much you affected everyone around you, I know you can't see it because you were so wrapped up in it, but you changed this whole city," his dad said.

"I hurt more than I healed dad," Oliver countered.

"I'm not going to keep arguing with you about this Oliver, but I think maybe you should know a few things before I send you off."

"Send me off? So you aren't staying?" Oliver asked.

"This isn't one of those things you really need me for; it's only a day after all."

"I have always needed you Dad."

"I'm sorry to say that neither reality left me alive," Robert said mournfully.

"Is Thea alright?" He asked. Suddenly he couldn't imagine her not alive and healthy.

"Thea and Moira are wonderful," his father answered.

"Mom…"He stutters. "She's alive?"

His father hesitated before speaking, "You never became enemies with Slade Wilson on Lian Yu, so he never came here to get revenge." It felt like fresh air entering his lungs, his mother never died, he wasn't the reason she was dead. Instantly he wanted to know what else had changed.

"Is there anyone else who stayed alive because I wasn't the Hood?" Oliver asked.

"Tommy," his father murmured softly, "Tommy's still alive." Tommy, Oliver's heart was happier for that, he actually smiled.

"So you aren't going to ask about the rest of your team? The ones you left behind," his dad questioned him.

Oliver couldn't help the way his smile grew, "Felicity's in the IT department I'll bet." His father nodded. He took a deep breath; she was safe, tucked away in that small sanctuary. "Is Diggle still a bodyguard?" His father nodded again. "And Roy?"

"Died when The Glades were leveled." His breath caught at that. Poor Roy.

"He never made it out because he never met Thea, never tried following The Hood," his father said sadly.

"I can't save everyone Dad," he growled and instantly felt guilty. Roy was an important part of his life, but he never survived over here in this one.

"What about Laurel and Sara?"

"Laurel's with Tommy now, and Sara, she still made it to the League of Assassins." So maybe he didn't end up like Sara after all. _"She was always a fighter,"_ Oliver thought, she still ended up making the same choices.

His father read his thoughts as he said, "You have a choice to make Oliver, stay here or go home."

"There is no choice to make," Oliver said, "More alive than dead means maybe this was a better reality for Starling."

"For Starling or for you? The Glades were still destroyed. Your mother and Malcolm were never stopped here. Thousands of innocents died," his father said.

"I've already made my decision, you've told me what I need to know," Oliver cut him off.

"No, you've got 24 hours Oliver; you need to see it, see all of them, and see Starling. Then decide because once you do there's no going back."

/

Making his way up the elevator he walks right to the boardroom. She's sitting right next to Walter. "Mom," he mouths, not really speaking. It's like the sound is stuck in his throat. He feels tears welling up in his eyes. She looks the same as she always did. Barely shoulder length hair, slight smile, but behind it you could see she was a strong woman. "_I guess she had to be, with her husband and son both dead,"_ Oliver thought sadly.

It was hard to imagine she'd never gone to prison in this life after what she and Malcolm had done to The Glades. "_She really went through with it. Of course she did, there was nobody here to stop her. You weren't here,"_ he chided himself. Regardless just seeing her now didn't change that she was still his mother, and he'd missed her more than he wanted to admit. Hard to let go of someone you never really got to say goodbye to.

He wished he could say what was going on in the meeting but he was too busy walking towards her to pick up much of what was being said. He stood over her shoulder before placing his hand there. He felt relaxed almost instantly. It didn't matter that she couldn't see him; he really didn't want her too. Moira and Thea Queen had both been through enough pain to last them a lifetime.

He never thought he'd see her again, even though she was one of those faces that always haunted his dreams like his father, Tommy, and Shado. Sara eventually joined the list too. So having her here, getting to see her alive and happy, if by the way she was staring at Walter was any indication. Her life was better in this reality than it had ever been in the other one. Even if she had lost her husband and son.

He gave her shoulder one last squeeze that said everything he never could. "_I'm sorry, I love you, I'm glad you're happy now, and alive_," before backing away and walking out of the boardroom towards the elevators.

He's keeps walking towards the elevator. Seeing his mother, feeling her even though she can't feel him is enough. She got to live. It feels like the air is trapped in his lungs. She got to live, so did Tommy, and Sara. He realized he needed to prioritize if he only had a day.

Thea, he had to see what she had been up to. Then Tommy and Laurel then Dig then Felicity. As much as he thought about stopping down at the IT department, he knew if he did there was no telling how long he'd stay just to see her because once he was there he didn't think he could leave. The old her that had a much happier outlook, then the Felicity he knew now. But fate it seemed had other plans.

He hopped on an elevator on its way down to the 1st floor, when right as he was getting off he ran into her. Or through her, whatever, either way she didn't notice. It felt as bad as when she used to ignore him when she was angry. It made him feel empty compared to the happiness he felt just a few minutes ago. She had just bumped into an older man and had lost the few folders in her hands, but just barely managed to hold into her tablet_. "God forbid she break it,"_ he thought, that thing was like her child.

Immediately she apologized to the guy before dropping to the floor to grab the files. Instinctively he went to reach for them too, before he realized it wouldn't help. Moving quickly towards the elevator she gripped the tablet tighter in her hands and tucked the folders under her arm. She still kept a pen in her hair, looking just like his Felicity of two years ago. The girl who'd never met Oliver a Queen Billionaire playboy, and the girl who would never meet Oliver Queen the vigilante. But just seeing her had his heart picking up speed.

_"__Just one elevator ride," _he told himself. He couldn't help it. _"Then I'll go home to Thea."_

Felicity tilted her head back against the elevator wall, before quietly whispering, "Why do I always have to be so uncoordinated?" Oliver smiled before he could even stop himself. She may not know him now, but Felicity was still the same girl he fell in love with. She kept lightly tapping her head against the wall chastising herself before mumbling, "At least it's Friday. At least I have that to look forward too."

If she could see him right now she'd slap him just by how big his grin was getting. He found that watching her without her seeing him made him calmer, and less insecure. In The Foundry he could never watch her like this because any time he looked up she was already looking at him with a small smile on her face. The one that matched the smile on her face right now.

16… 17... 18… The small ringing sound reminded him that this ride was over, but she was paused at the front of the elevator doors waiting for them to open, and he acted on instinct. Stepping forward he placed his hand under her chin before kissing her temple lightly. Quick, and before he knew it she was walking right out of his hands, but he felt better now. It was enough to feel her skin under his fingertips, and as she was out of the doors he realized it was time to go home.

/

Luckily the Queens' estate hadn't changed, _"Mom would never dream of it."_ What scared him was how easily he made it into the house. I mean sure he could walk right through anyway, but security seemed way more relaxed now. Maybe they didn't need it.

Even though he came here to see Thea, he had no idea where she actually was, as he started skulking through the mansion. After twenty minutes of wandering he was getting irritated. Where was she? He managed to find Raisa, two security guards, and even the Gardner. But no Thea, he'd checked her room, the bathrooms, and nothing.

With a sudden panic he thought about her being in jail. Thea wasn't in the best shape when he'd come home from the island in his old life. Now he was worried, that she may not be here at all. _"Wait, no, Dad said they were both wonderful," _he chastised himself. There had to be another explanation.

Hearing the front door and her voice shouting for Raisa he knew he was right. Without thinking he raced down the hall and down the stairs. Hearing Raisa say, "Thea, sweetheart what did the doctor tell you about running around in your condition?"

"Condition?" Oliver said confused. Beyond curious now, he rounded the corner to see a concerned Raisa, and a very pregnant Thea.

Sorry leave this chapter so open endedJ I appreciate all the reviews, and I hope you're enjoying the story so far. I'll try to update at least once a week. Thankkkk you all!


	3. Chapter 3

So this chapter has a lot of different storylines going on, so bear with me here. It also feels sort of shorter, but I hope you enjoy it! Disclaimer: The idea and recognizable character are not mine, and belong to DC, the CW, and Frank Capra. No copyright infringement intended.

**Chapter 3: Anything Can Happen.**

_Thea is big, and by big, she's going to have that baby any day now_, Oliver thinks, staring at her blankly. "How did this even happen?" He says, without remembering that no one can hear him. "You're barely 18," he murmurs. "What happened?"

She was addicted to drugs when he got home from the island, and I bet no one put them out of business. Thea never met Roy, so there was no way this baby was his. Getting closer he saw how bright and alive she looked. She looked good, happy.

"It's the pregnancy glow," Thea's voice jumped his thoughts back.

"No really," Raisa said, "You look absolutely beautiful, but no more of this running around. Get back up to bed, and I'll get you and the baby some lunch."

Thea frowned before turning towards the stairs and walking up them slowly. He followed her up to her room where she sat down on the edge of the bed before laying back staring at the ceiling. "Any day now baby, would be wonderful," she whispered holding her stomach. "Everybody's ready to meet you."

Oliver looked around her bedroom before he saw her small alcove had been changed into a little nursery. Complete with crib and light green walls. A small smile formed on his lips, green regardless of whether he was The Arrow or not, would always be his color. He turned back to Thea who had readjusted herself under her comforter before sitting down on the bed next to her. His little sister, having a baby, he never would have thought.

She just keeps rubbing her stomach lightly and he feels a slight pang of guilt for not being able to help her through this. He's never going to meet his nephew, he'll never get to be Uncle Ollie, he won't get to be anyone. But he stays with her while Raisa brings her some food, and Thea watches some God awful reality TV show, before he decides he needs to keep moving. She's already fast asleep when he whispers, "I'll miss you Speedy," before leaving her room.

/

It doesn't take Oliver long to find Laurel, and according to his dad she's with Tommy so he figures it's like killing two birds with one stone. If he finds one he'll find the other. She's working for the District Attorney now, which makes sense considering the legal aid office was destroyed in The Glades.

She was yelling at some intern about not doing her job right, her face so expressive, she was still the same Laurel. He felt bad about that. Not being able to apologize about Sara, and all the other girls that he'd cheated on her with. He never had the best track record with relationships, but he always went back to Laurel. Well, before Felicity and Laurel deserved better than some guy who loved her but wasn't in love with her.

Following her down the hall towards her office he saw that maybe she finally was getting everything Oliver could never give her. _Laurel and Tommy are getting married_. He didn't even need to hear it out loud to see that's what was happening. All the catalogs stacked on her desk, the different sticky notes, Laurel was a very good multi-tasker.

He glanced at the photo with only the two of them on her desk. Tommy's arms around her, and the ring on full display, which is where he turned his attention now. Tommy had great taste in everything and this ring was no exception. It wasn't gigantic, or too small, a nice medium ring on her finger, the shiny diamond in the center. He whistled through his teeth. "Wow Laurel, you really did get everything you wanted," he murmured.

"You ready for lunch?" A voice said behind him. Tommy Merlyn. His best friend from a past life.

"Yeah, just one second Tommy," Laurel said, organizing some papers on her desk. They joined hands strolling out of the office and Oliver followed. He kept a small distance between them as they made their way to the hotdog stand Laurel was still obsessed with, before they decided to eat in the park.

"I don't have too long today, I've got a meeting in a half hour that my Dad is absolutely hell bent that I be on time for." Tommy groaned.

_Tommy works for his dad?_ That must have been an adjustment, Tommy couldn't stand Malcolm.

"Well you'll still be home for dinner right?" Laurel asked him.

"Absolutely wouldn't miss it." He answered giving her a quick kiss before standing to leave. "I'll see you later, love you."

Oliver swallowed the lump in his throat at how easily Tommy said those words, when he himself never could. He really was settling down and Oliver was glad. While Laurel may have been the one thing getting him through hell on that island. She wasn't his now, in this reality or the other, and she deserved someone who was going to love her, after everything Oliver did to her. At least two people over here were getting everything they wanted.

/

Luckily, Diggle was surprisingly still at the apartment he'd lived at before. _He must have lived there before I came back_. Diggle looks exhausted, passed out on the couch. Where's Lyla? Even though baby Sara wouldn't be here yet, he'd have to be with Lyla by now.

Looking around Oliver decided to check out the rest of his apartment. There are no pictures, no food in the fridge. It's like he's alone.

"It's because he is," Oliver's father says behind him.

"What do you mean Diggle's alone?" Oliver asks. "He has Lyla, and soon they'll have Sara too."

"What haven't you been hearing Oliver?" His dad asked. "Lyla and John never had any reason to reconnect with each other, so they never did."

"What about Carly?"

"She's still around, but Diggle lives a very single person guarded life now," his father murmured.

"Is that what he wanted?" Oliver asked quietly, thinking how lonely Dig must be.

"It wasn't the sort of life he was meant for Oliver, we both know that," his father answered him.

"So that's it, he protects Mom, comes home to sleep and does it all over again?"

"Occasionally he follows a police scanner he picked up downtown, but he doesn't interfere with them, and he's actually Walter's bodyguard not Moira's."

"I just can't believe he's not with Lyla, that he's never going to get to have Sara," Oliver says slowly, just trying to comprehend it.

"You underestimate how important you were to so many other people Oliver," his father says.

"I'm staying here," Oliver blurts out without really thinking about it.

"Oliver, I don't think you're really thinking about everything," Robert scolds him.

"What is there to think about? Mom is here, Tommy is here."

"And Roy? What about him Oliver?" his father shoots him a disappointed look.

He tilts his head down avoiding it. He feels guilty for it, but he'd rather not exist in a world where most of the people he loves are happy, then live in a world where everyone he dies is constantly in danger, and it's like his dad can read his mind.

"Then this is it for you Oliver, I hope you understand that," his father says.

"So I just stay here forever then?" Oliver asks. He still hasn't really seen Felicity yet, he just needs a little more time.

"No, one day when you feel true acceptance of everything around you, your body and soul will drift to one place or another, but this is the end of our journey." Robert answers.

"You're just going to leave me here?"

"This is a task you'll have to do alone, but I'll pop in now and then if you need help, I just wish you understood what you were giving up, Robert chides him.

"I don't want to go back, and watch all the other people I love die too," Oliver whispers.

"It doesn't have to happen," Robert says slowly.

"I can't protect them all Dad, and every time I think I can I start to relax, and someone else comes to Starling looking to hurt people. Starling will always need The Arrow, but they don't need Oliver Queen. And this Starling he gestures to the city around him doesn't need either one, and they're surviving just fine!" Oliver yells.

"I don't think you see yet, everything that's happening around you Oliver, I only hope that when you do, it won't be too late," is the last thing his father says before he disappears.

/

He decides that luck is on his side when he sees Felicity is still living in the same apartment as well. It's weird the way he walks through her door, it's wrong, and he knows it, but he just wants to see if everything is the same way he left it, they we're still living together when he left.

She still has the couch, many of the same pictures on the walls, but none with him in them. Looking around the room his heart sinks a little, The Robin Hood poster is gone, but the ferns still there, right on the small computer desk and that makes him smile. He can hear Felicity in the kitchen, and it dulls the ache a little more too. Knowing she's okay after all of this. She's a survivor too.

She's running around the kitchen, making some Ramon noodles, and is bringing them with her to the living room before sitting down in front of the TV. He brings himself beside her on the couch. There's space between them but them memories keep coming back. Oh how many times they've made out on this couch. How he'd wrap himself around her until both of them were practically one. That's his one regret, not holding her enough while he had her, and now he'd lost his chance. And here she was curled up in a blanket eating her soup watching Game of Thrones, not having any idea he was here too. _Hell she probably didn't even know who Oliver Queen was_, Oliver thought to himself. It made him happy and sad all at once, but he just kept sitting there on that couch.

After two or three episodes he noticed she was starting to doze off and before he knew it he was dozing off too.

/

It was the small clicks that woke him. For just a second he was sure he was back at The Foundry, listening to her quick fingers moving across the keys. Seeing he was still on the couch it took him a second before he even noticed she'd moved too. Over towards the small desk, it was her fingers clicking away curiously at the keyboard of her laptop. Looking at the clock on the wall he was it was 1:30 in the morning now, what could she possibly be doing this early?

She paused a moment, her fingers stopped moving, and Oliver walked over to her. Standing over her shoulder he smiled remember all the times he'd done this exact same thing at the Foundry, or at work, but he froze looking at the small book in her hands, and how she was deciphering it.

He knew that book; he felt panic wondering how she'd got it. Who knew she had it. He wasn't here to take it from her this time. It was The List, his father's list. He wanted to rip it right out of her hands, but instead whispered, "Felicity, what have you gotten yourself into?"


	4. Chapter 4

**Ch. 4 Right Back Home**

Walter. It was the only explanation that made sense as he watched her looking at that stupid list. Putting his face in his hands before rubbing them through his hair he let out a groan.

"Why do you always have to get yourself into trouble?" She paused for just a second tilting her head to get a better look at the book, before deciding to call it a night herself, sliding the book back into the drawer and heading towards her bedroom. He reached for the drawer. Opening it and grabbing the book, and throwing it across the room. Seconds later he saw it back in the drawer. He wouldn't fucking be able to get rid of it, and he had no idea who else knew about besides Felicity and Walter. His mind instantly thought of his mother, and he was worried about what she'd be willing to do, to get rid of that book. Felicity couldn't comprehend what Moira was capable of, and for the first time since being in this other reality Oliver was scared.

/

He became her shadow. Every day she went to QC he followed. She went to get coffee, lunch, or dinner, he was there. Oliver was just waiting for her to go see whoever gave her that book. He'd been so busy staying near Felicity this past week that he hadn't visited anyone else. Even though he was willing to admit he was eager to see his nephew when he finally arrived, which hadn't happened if office chatter was an indication.

Apparently everyone at QC was keeping track of Thea Queen, which in turn made things a little easier for Oliver. Felicity, it seemed hadn't necessarily changed much. She had the same taste in food, TV shows and movies, but just had more time for all of it now. She still did yoga, but she spent an unusual amount of time looking over that book that it scared him. He saw her circling names, finding small connections, all on her own, and he was nervous. Yet it wasn't until the fourth night that he saw she figured out that small clue of the map, that it was the picture.

Even though the police knew that was where the machine had been planted, now they could have the proof that people were in on it, people much more powerful than Felicity.

"What are you going to do with it?" He whispered.

And it's like her thoughts mirrors his own. "I don't know what I'm supposed to do with this. Go to Walter, the police?" She breathed. "Whoever did all of this is a monster."

She shut the book abruptly before running into the bathroom to throw up. He watched her cry over the toilet seat rubbing small circles on her back that she couldn't even feel. That was sort of Felicity's stress mechanism, throwing up when she got to nervous, or panicked, and right now Oliver could do nothing to help her.

/  
>After a few more rough nights he thought maybe she had given up, he should have known better, but Felicity didn't go to Walter, not for a solid week before he looked over her shoulder at an email.<p>

_"__Ms. Smoak, I've cleared you whole day and scheduled a meeting with you at noon, it would be best if you brought all current information on our project."_

No name signed at the bottom, nothing that anyone would suspect if they saw it, but Oliver knew that this project could get them both killed. Felicity was a nervous wreck all day, she was fidgety in her office, spilled her coffee on her feet, and when she went to the deli for lunch she ended up letting somebody cut her in line, which made her late to her meeting with Walter. Felicity was practically racing up to Walter's office before accidentally running into Mrs. Queen instead.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I've got a meeting with...Walter had just asked me..." She was panting.

"It's no trouble Ms. Smoak, he's just running a bit late from his last meeting," Moira answered.

"I can just wait outside," Felicity gestured to the space outside Walter's office.

"Feel free to have a seat in here if you like, he shouldn't be long," Moira told her.

Deciding to stay she moved across the room towards the chairs in the corner before her eyes stopped on two pictures. One with Robert, Moira, Oliver and Thea, a whole family together and the other of Walter, Moira and Thea, the ones left behind.

"You have a lovely family, I mean had… No have, I'm sorry that just came out all wrong." Felicity blurted.

Nothing like putting a foot in her mouth, but Oliver smiled at her nonetheless.

"Some days it's like they've never left," Moira whispered, "Robert and Oliver I miss them every day."

"I'm sure it isn't easy, the loss of a child," Felicity whispered.

"Oliver was a good son, regardless of all the terrible media attention he always got, you'd of liked him I think Ms. Smoak." Moira said.

"Mom, she would have hated me," Oliver said quietly looking over at Felicity.

"She was shifting in her seat uncomfortably before saying, "I did actually meet your son once. At a conference when I was still in school at MIT." Oliver froze.

"Was it in Starling?" Moira asked.

"Yeah, it was before I'd even applied here. Different companies were showing off their departments. Robert... Pardon, Mr. Queen, was animated about Technology and Computer Sciences being the new driving force of the decade. And I was sold." Felicity was practically beaming.

"It isn't right," Oliver said out loud. "I had never met her before I went to the island."

_Oh she was there son;_ he heard his father's voice in his head. _You just didn't see her, not really.  
><em>  
><strong><em>Flashback<em>**  
>He'd missed his dads Q&amp;A. Robert was going to be pissed, and even more so when he saw how hung over Oliver was. <em>Note to self, when beautiful girls invite you to a private party, decline next time, even if there was good scotch<em>. _Oh shit, Laurel, she's going to kill me_.

There were dozens of pictures of him with them and they were bound to get out. This is not what he needed; on top of that he honestly didn't even know if he had done anything with them. Laurel was not going to think that was an acceptable answer. Just the thought of Laurel and the sad look of disappointment on her face had him running for the nearest trash can. _Great, just great, hopefully no one important saw him like this, because if it got back to his dad. God he was in trouble. Could this get any more problematic? _

"Try a couple ibuprofen and some Gatorade," a voice said behind him. "_Dark black hair, a small purple streak, she was small, but she'd be cuter without the glasses," _he thought absentmindedly.

She handed him the blue Gatorade bottle and some tiny pills.

"How do I know these are actually ibuprofen?" If Oliver Queen learned anything from last night, it was never taking candy from strangers.

"Well, for starters," she smiled, "my recreational activities aren't as exciting as your own. And secondly I plan on working for your company one day, and killing the boss's son is probably not me putting my best foot forward."

"Probably not," he nodded, downing the pills before taking a swig of the juice.

They stood for a few more seconds awkwardly decided what to do next.

"Well I should go," she motioned her thumb over her shoulder, "I've got a few more programs to look at."

"Yeah, me too, he agreed.

She turned her head slightly as if calling his bluff, but didn't call him on it. Even with the Goth Oliver could help but think she was attractive. "Thanks for the Gatorade and everything, I'll put in a good word for you," he winked.

A small blush creeped up her cheeks as she backed away. "I'll hold you to that Mr. Queen."

"Oliver," he corrected to her back, "My father is Mr. Queen."

**_End of Flashback_**

_You never did put in a good word for her_ his father's voice said. _But she got the job anyway_.

"She never said anything, Oliver murmured.

_Do you blame her?_

"No it's just," he didn't remember, but he was getting a strange sense of déjà vu between her slight head tilt and calling him Mr. Queen, and how the same thing happened in QC when he found her in the Tech department after he first got home from Lian Yu.

_Don't stress out about it Oliver. _

"I just can't believe I didn't remember her, or recognize her," Oliver said.

_You weren't in your finest form, and at the time she was definitely not your type._

"Well old Oliver was an idiot," he grumbled, the only thing Oliver kept thinking was, _she's cuter with her glasses._

He kept looking at Felicity and his mother before Walter came walking in cell phone attached to his ear. "Yes, absolutely we'll get there as soon as we can." Shutting his cell phone he turned towards Moira. "Thea's in labor," Walter smiled, "Raisa just called, said she couldn't get a hold of you."

"I was in a meeting with a friend earlier, must have left my phone in the car," Moira said.

"It's alright we just need to get there Thea's been asking for us, Walter told her.

"Of course," Moira grabbed Walters hand before glancing over at Felicity. Walter gave her a glance before saying, "I'm sorry, you've had to wait for me, but I'm afraid well have to reschedule."

"It's not a problem," Felicity smiled, "I completely understand, and congratulations, for you. Well and Thea. I won't say anything though," Felicity rushed out.

"Oh I'm sure the world will know soon enough," Moira laughed as they all walked out towards the elevator.

And for the first time in a week when they hit the first floor of QC Oliver didn't follow Felicity home, he trusted her for just one night to take care of herself; he prayed she wouldn't do anything dangerous for the next several hours because he had a nephew to see.


	5. Chapter 5

So I'm posting this chapter way earlier than I usually do. I've a bit of a busy week, so I was worried I wouldn't have much time later this week to edit and post it. I really enjoyed writing this one because towards the end it really gets the story moving. You'll understand once you get there:) And again thanks for reading, favoriting, following, and commenting. I love reading them all. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: The idea and recognizable characters are not mine, and belong to DC, the CW and Frank Capra. No copyright infringement intended.

**Ch.5: Don't Stop Me Now**

He rode to the hospital with Walter and Moira, but decided to sit up in the front seat with Diggle. Oliver couldn't help feeling uneasy with how things had turned out for him. Even though he was technically younger John looked much older than he did in Oliver's other reality. "_The wear and tear of a lonely life,"_ he thought. But if John was sad he didn't show, nor did he seem to be following the speed limit as he brought them all to the hospital. Oliver still couldn't believe it; his little sister was having a baby. It just didn't seem real. Pulling up along the curb he went right through the car door and followed his mother inside.

/

He decided to wait with Walter until the baby was actually born before going inside Thea's room, he loved his sister, but he didn't want to actually see it happen. It was easier watching Walter pace to calm his own uneasiness. His mother had walked right through, ready to take charge as soon as they allowed her to, so now all they had to do was wait.

Thirty minutes later Moira came through the double doors with a large smile on her face. "He's so beautiful," she whispers, pulling Walter into a hug.

"A boy," Oliver mouths. "Good, he can take care of another little sister someday."

"Both of them are doing great, would you like to see them?" Moira asks.

"Yes," Walter and Oliver said at the same time. Too bad no one heard him. Following her through the door he couldn't comprehend how quickly everything was happening. It was all moving so fast, finding out she was pregnant, due any day, then just a little over an hour ago knowing she was in labor, and now he has a nephew. His Mom was right though he is beautiful. He usually doesn't think newborns are cute, but maybe he's a little biased this time.

The baby's wrapped up in a little blue blanket with a small hat on his head.

"Do you want to hold him?" Thea asks Walter, without actually looking at him.

Oliver steps forward rubbing his thumb against the baby's soft cheek, before bringing his hand to Thea's shoulder, rubbing it lightly. Her eyes never leave that little boy's face.

"I think I'll let his mother keep him a little while longer, we all know you won't have a second alone with him once were home." Walter chuckles.

"Oh he's all mine, this little boy," she smiles.

"Have you decided on a name?" Moira whispers.

"Oliver Robert Queen," Thea says without hesitating.

Oliver can't help the large lump forming in his throat as he glances at his mother to see how she takes it.

"It's perfect," Moira whispers, "They would have been so happy to be here for this."

"But I am here," Oliver murmurs. "I am right here, but nobody knows that," and unlike what his father said earlier he beings to think this place where no one can see him, or hear him, is his own personal hell. He steps back from the three of them for a minute. This little family he is no longer a part of. He needs to move, doesn't want to see everything he always wanted shoved in his face. Of course he's happy for Thea, and for Moira and Walter, but he allows himself to be jealous for just a second, for everything that was taken from him.

Stepping out into the hallway it's like déjà vu again. Oliver remembered kissing Felicity in this same hallway. It would be embedded in his memory for as long as he was still Oliver Queen. With everything happening right now that memory shifted his mood slightly. It was a good kiss, not their best kiss, certainly not their last kiss, but necessary all the same. He wanted her to understand he loved her, but that they weren't some fairy tale. It wasn't until later she told him how angry she was that he'd kissed her.

_"__You just kissed me after telling me you couldn't be with me!" Felicity yelled. _

_"__You tried to get me to tell you I didn't love you," Oliver answered her._

_"__Well did you, do you? She asked._

_"__Of course..."_

_"__Oh, don't "of course" me Oliver. You knew how I felt, and you kissed me well aware of the fact I wouldn't be able to forget it."_

_"__Why would I have wanted you to? "He asked confused. _

_"__So I could try to be with somebody else, because I didn't want anyone else after I kissed you. Every time I even thought about dating I just thought. Oliver loves me, just as I am now, and maybe one day it could be different. I thought why even look for love when somebody loves me right now and I like him." Felicity murmured._

_"__I didn't think about what it would do to you. I just… didn't want you to think I never loved you, when you're all I think about."_

_"__That wasn't the way to do it Oliver, right after you said you couldn't be with me."_

_ "__Then when was a good time Felicity?" Oliver was beyond frustrated at this point, "To show someone you want them, even when you can't have them? I'm not going to keep apologizing for something I'm not really sorry about. You always doubted me, and I knew how you felt? Felicity you've never said you love me, and any time I so much as looked at a woman you thought I wanted her."_

_"__Laurel, Sara, Helena, Isobel." Felicity started counting her fingers. "I can't imagine why I doubted you Oliver."_

_He strode across the room to her in two steps until they were nose to nose. _

_"__Don't," she slid her hand out between them pushing him a step back. _

_"__You see the way I look at everyone else, but you don't see the way I look at you," he whispered._

_"__I see you just fine Oliver."_

_ "__No," he said placing his hands on both sides of her face pulling her closer, "Dig sees it, Sara saw it, hell even Laurel sees it, but you don't." He leaned his head forward until it touched hers whispering softly. "That's why I kissed you; you believe actions more than words. You once told me I deserved better. I didn't know then how much I relied on you."_

_"__I just run the computers," she murmured. _

_"__You keep us together Felicity."_

_She pulled her head back from his hands slightly, looking up at him then with bright eyes. _

_"__Honest eyes." Oliver thought to himself. Before standing on tiptoe she placed a light kiss on the corner of his mouth. Close enough to his lips, but far enough that it made him want to kiss her again._

_"__You're Oliver Queen," she whispered, "And I know you think you can't be both him and The Arrow, but one day you'll look back and see you need him too."_

_"__Not anytime soon Felicity."_

_"__It's okay, I'm not in a rush," she smiles "Because both of you need me."_

He hadn't wanted to pull her along, but it was just anytime she was almost happy he panicked. What if this man took her away from them, from him, or the team? He didn't really know how to be The Arrow without her. It was the same with Diggle; they were the core of the group. Eventually Roy and Laurel became indispensable as well. So yes, Oliver was selfish with her because he did know she loved him, but Oliver pushed Felicity away three more times after that. He remembered only because he ended up needing her more than he wanted to admit, but getting her back proved to be difficult.

So he wouldn't push away his family now. He needed to seem them for as long as he could because if his other reality taught him anything, it was that we never know how much time we have.

/

Thea was discharged from the hospital the two days later, and he stayed with her at the Mansion long after Moira and Walter had gone to work. He watched Thea hold the baby, make stupid "oohh and ahh" noises that everyone does with babies, but she was tired after these few days. Eventually he saw her doze off and proceeded to follow Raisa as she placed him in the crib, where he could watch Ollie.

As much as he hated the name for himself, for the baby it was a perfect fit. While Ollie was still squirming around he gently rubbed his head, and pinched his cheeks. "I won't get to show you how to play baseball little guy," he murmurs before he corrects himself, "Well I really couldn't play baseball anyway, but I could teach how to shoot a bow like the best of them."

Ollie cooed looking right at Oliver, and there is was the slight pull of pain in his chest. "I wish you all knew I was here, I'm sort of selfish little guy, but don't believe every bad thing that Thea says about me, about twenty percent of it isn't true." Ollie cooed again reaching towards Oliver's stretched hand.

He wondered for a moment if maybe babies had a sixth sense then banished the thought, no use getting my hopes up over things like that. After a few more minutes he decided he needed a nap he hadn't slept in hours and he still wanted to make it into QC see what kind of progress Felicity had made, she'd probably had her "meeting" with Walter by now. As he went back to his old bedroom, still untouched after all these years, crawling under his covers and finally he fell asleep. _Maybe I'll go into QC tomorrow._

/

He decided to go see her just after lunch. Glancing around her cluttered office all he thought was, "_She had been busy."_ If all the small tabs on her computers were any indication, something had happened. Felicity had found something.

_The Queen's Gambit_ he mouthed as he looked over her shoulder. Walter found the ware house and the ship, Walter was going to be in trouble, soon too. And Moira, she was going to notice her book was gone, it would only be a matter of time before it got back to Felicity.

"You need to stop this," he begs her. And her fingers hesitated on the keyboard for a moment.

She rubbed her hands along her forehead before exhaling a loud breath. "Moira went through a lot of trouble to hide it." Clicking more tabs she was pulling names all over from the list. "Why lie to Walter though," she whispers. "It already happened. Taking all that money and thinking he'd never find out. I'll find out who did this. All of it is much bigger than Moira. All those people who died deserve an answer."

"You're going to get yourself killed," he says harshly, but she just keeping typing more forcefully into her keyboard. More names, dates, account numbers, things he can't even wrap his mind around.

If he's noticed anything so far about this other Felicity she isn't as cheery as he pictured she'd be. She was content, but not happy. She was alone in a lot of the same ways as Diggle, but she didn't have to be.

"Why hasn't anyone found you yet," he murmurs, and she pauses at her keyboard again.

She keeps doing it and its driving him insane. Trying to figure out what pieces of the puzzle she's piecing together around her desk that he can't see. After a few hours of endless typing even felicity has her limit. She looks at the time, seeing it's around four and decides to call it a day. Making her way towards the elevator Oliver's met with another shock.

Nothing had happened yet, he still hadn't changed, and he was right there. Barry, and Felicity was so busy looking down at her tablet she didn't see him. He wasn't The Flash, he was normal, happy, and he loved Felicity, or cared about her at least, or could care, he probably hadn't met her yet. _He'd be good for her, _Oliver thought sadly, _he can keep her safe and happy_ _in ways I never could_, but she was about to miss him.

"You're missing what right in front of you sweetheart," he whispers. "Look up, Felicity he's right there." But instead her head turned right towards Oliver. She was staring right at him. Then a look of confusion passes her face before she glances left to right, nodding her head absentmindedly, and moving on her way.

Barry was gone now, and Felicity was leaving QC too, and the only thing that flooded Oliver Queen's mind was, her fingers freezing on the keyboard, the small head tilts whenever he spoke weren't because she was thinking, they were because she had heard him. _She can hear me._


	6. Ch6: Now I'm Here

Sorry about the wait for this chapter, it really has been a very long and busy week, but writing this out has been a giant stress reliever. Also as to your questions about how Felicity can hear him, they are answered in this Chapter. :) Again thank you for reading and commenting, I love to hear what people think about the story!

Disclaimer: The idea and recognizable characters are not mine, and belong to DC, the CW, and Frank Capra. No copyright infringement intended.

**Ch. 6: Now I'm Here**

She heard him. He wasn't imagining it. Or was he? She had looked right at him, and that time at her computer it was like she had answered his question about what was she going to do with the list.

"How can she hear me?" He asks aloud. He needed his father, needed some answers, but of course he was nowhere to be found. So he did the only thing he could think of, Oliver followed her, back to her apartment, and he was really starting to feel like a stalker, but he just needed to know why this was happening, and if she really did hear him would she talk back?

/

As soon as they're both in her kitchen he whispers, "Felicity."

She flinches. Just a small bit, but doesn't stop moving, around the kitchen opening the fridge behind her.

"Please Felicity," he whispers, "Can you hear me?"

And again she ignores him, but this time he can see her hands shaking, how all of this is scaring her. He's scaring her.

Which isn't what he wants either, "God she probably thinks she's going crazy," he says, and suddenly she walks down the hall towards her room, and a few minutes later she comes back towards the kitchen with a set of headphones in her ears. She was going to try to block him out, but Oliver just needed to help her. That's all he wants, is for her to be safe, whether she wants to be or not.

This has been one of her more laid back nights, she eats dinner, and goes right to sleep, those headphones never leaving her ears. At least she has the sense not to open the book, or go anywhere near her desk actually, she's worried, and all the rustling noises coming from her room tell him that. After everything that's happened today he doesn't blame her for being restless. He needs to rethink this, how to help her and Walter. He needs to make sure they're both going to be okay, which means maybe now it's time to pay a visit to his mother, to try to figure out what's still going on with her and Malcolm.

So the next morning he walks out of Felicity's apartment with a small sense of defeat. He was selfishly happy for one second that she could hear him, not even thinking about that maybe she didn't want to.

/

Moira Queen was always careful; she had been Oliver's entire life, and so finding her having a meeting with Mr. Merlin required him to balance his time between her and Felicity. He need to know how much Moira knew, and he needed to see what Felicity's immediate plans were to do with all the information she'd found so far.

So looking at his mother he sees what he always remembered. A beautiful polished business woman. Always had been, and to be honest it's not often you'd see her not put together. As he's watching her at the office he's waiting for her to go toe to toe with Merlin. She isn't one to go down without a fight, especially if it's to protect someone she loves. That's always been something Oliver always thought he got from her. Her fierce will to protect her loved ones, it made being The Arrow easier, when he knew he was protecting his city. Walter knows about the ware house now, so Malcolm knows, and he doesn't like loose ends, so now Oliver's just curious who Moira's going to throw under the bus. Felicity, he thinks, if she can trace anything back to her, which hopefully Felicity erased all digital fingerprints of.

/

Malcolm Merlin has always been one of the most intimidating people Oliver has known his whole life. Add in that he was never extremely fond of his and Tommy's friendship in the first place, he always said Oliver was a bad influence. If only knew how many of their terrible plans had been Tommy's ideas. So looking at him so comfortably smug in his office made Oliver watch to put an arrow through his chest, he got away with the evil plan he'd imagined this whole time, and his own mother was in on it.

"Moira, you already know how I feel about all this, things are better than ever in Starling, it would be extremely unfortunate if word got out about all of our involvement in The Glades, yours included." Malcolm's says evenly.

"Walter doesn't realize yet what he's uncovered, it's just The Gambit, he doesn't even know about anything else, let me speak to him, explain it, I'll handle it." She says back, but even to Oliver's ears it sounds like begging.

"You better Moira or you know I will." Malcolm threatens.

"You won't kill Walter, or I'll come forward myself, I'm the one with the list, the blueprints of the machine, and if I go down Malcolm, I will drag you with me." She bites back.

_There's the Moira Queen I remember_ Oliver smiles. Protecting Walter, even though Oliver has a strange feeling Malcolm still wouldn't kill him anyway.

"As much as I should be worried, I still have yet to see this "list" and I'm skeptical that you even have it. Malcolm questions her before she shoots right back.

"It's been in my possession since the Gambit went down, I assure you I have it, and will use it if I need to."

Oliver freezes at her words, as Malcolm whispers, "Well Moira let's just hope it doesn't come to that."

"Lets," she nods in assent, before turning on her heels towards the door to his office, "Have a nice afternoon Malcolm."

Oliver follows her out, his heart racing at the realization she doesn't have the book, and when she goes home to check she's going to be hell-bent on finding out who has it, consequences be damned.

/

Oliver walks up Felicity's steps waiting to go inside. Letting his mind wander over everything he's uncovered so far. Felicity has the list, Walter gave her the list, his mother doesn't know Walter knows about the list and if, everything he just overheard back at the mansion is any indication, Walter is an excellent liar. He followed his mother home, and the first thing she did was talk to Walter, Ignorance is bliss, which is exactly the route he decided to go with when Moira confronted him about the book. Walter simply said he'd never seen it, and when his mother came clean about The Gambit and knowing he knew about it he covered his tracks by saying someone had sent him videotapes of security footage, and turned it around on her for not telling him in the first place. _She didn't want it to hurt him_ was her response. Knowing she'd kept that piece of Robert after all these years.

It hurt Oliver to still watch her lie about it, still not telling Walter about the list when it was putting him in danger, so he decided there was nothing more he could do for his mother at this point, so he popped upstairs to see Thea and little Ollie, he was already getting so big, and decided he wouldn't stay the night after all, which is how he ended up back here. This place was feeling more like home to him now anyways.

/

She's still had those damn headphones in while she was sitting at her desk. She even slept with them in her ears, luckily the only place they weren't really an option was work. And he talked to her constantly even though she didn't respond. He was starting to think he'd imagined her hearing him in the first place. So when she was looking over technical plans on her computer with numbers he couldn't even fathom he was this close to losing it.

"This is boring," he whined.

And he saw a small smile turn up at the corner of her lips, and he couldn't help but smile too.

"So you can hear me, you'd just rather pretend I'm not here."

And then her frown came back.

It was a few more minutes of endless typing before he saw her click the new email notification on her desktop. Oliver's stomach dropped. Merlin Global was posted across the top with, the small subject, Technical skills needed. He breezed through the words catching the general sense of the message. Malcolm Merlin needed to see where some information was taken off his server, and he needed someone with advanced tech skills to find it. He had previously spoken to Walter when Felicity's name came up, and he wanted to know he she could be of some assistance.

"No," Oliver whispered behind her, just thinking about her helping Malcolm find any information had his stomach in knots, and he wasn't even surprised to feel slightly jealous. She was his girl, his Computer whiz, she belonged to Team Arrow.

He watched Felicity forcefully type back that of course she would help if she could, just that the schedules would have to be worked out, and then she suddenly pushed herself up out of her chair before grabbing her coat and car keys. Glancing at the clock on her desk he saw it was only two. Way too early for her to be done at QC. She practically ran from her office towards the front desk explain she wasn't feeling well and would be going home for the remainder of the day.

"Felicity please," he murmured before she slipped the headphones back in her ears. She was going to keep blocking him out until he stopped talking.

/

Felicity was driving with an anger Oliver hadn't seen in a long time. Not since their last fight, which meant she was pretty pissed. What Oliver didn't realize until they were already parked along the curb, is that they weren't drive towards her home. They were in front of some dress shop, glancing up at the small store he understood why she was here now, _it's_ _not some dress shop, the dress shop _he thought_._

He remembered when she said she used to try on dresses in a vintage shop now and then, but she never bought them. And she never let me go with her. "Her time" she said, she only ever went when she was upset and needed to de-stress. Looking at her walking into the store now he sees she's right. She's radiant. She already looks happier just walking into the store.

She picks out a few dresses taking out the headphones as she walks and he decides to keep quiet for now, she just looks so happy, and he doesn't want to ruin it right now, as she makes her way towards one of the dressing rooms and he waits outside in the sitting area for her. He was always waiting for her in this reality and the other.

After a few minutes she finally stepped out and walked towards one of the larger mirrors, twirling in a white sundress, unlike anything his Felicity would wear. Felicity was always beautiful, her ponytail and glasses didn't hide that. It just made him want to see underneath all of it, she hid behind those glasses and her computer watching the world.

Now he finally got to see her, and she looked happy. Complete, whole, and perfect. Even though he wasn't alive she would always be his girl. The woman in the shop sees her turning in the mirror, "Found one you like?"

Felicity trips over her foot, "Oh frack," looking over at the old woman before glancing back in the mirror; she tilts her head a bit assessing herself in the mirror. It's a tell of hers. She's deciding if it's worth the amount of times she'd actually wear it. Anytime she overthinks something she tilts that beautiful face, and for a woman who was practically raised on The Strip in Vegas, she had a terrible poker face.

"I don't know," she says back, but he can tell she loves it.

"Buy it," Oliver murmurs, unable to stop himself and her head flicks up for just a moment, right where he's standing, and his heart races. He can actually feel it pounding in his chest, as she stares straight through him.

Then she looks back at the older woman.

"Did you say something?"

"Did you want the dress?" The woman repeats.

"After that…" Felicity mumbles, "I mean... Oh never mind, I'm just out of it is all."

"Felicity?" he asks a little louder and she glances at him again. Blinking a few more times staring at him, but not seeing him. It hurts worse than being dead. She shakes her head a few times, brushing Oliver's voice out of her head, before saying "I think I'll get the dress, it just feels right."

/

It isn't until they're back at her place and she's sitting in front of the TV, headphones back in her ears that Oliver realizes she's starting to drive him insane. How can he help her if he can't even get her to listen? Why the hell is she being so stubborn? Even though a small part of him understands, he wouldn't be so quick to listen to a voice talking inside his head either. With everything that's happened today he's amazed she's still this alive and animated. She's on her tablet, then her desktop, and then she watches Game of Thrones, eventually she's back to looking at the list.

It isn't until the evening that he starts to see her wind down; she's still got her tablet on, but makes her way towards the fridge, before he sees her pull her headphones out of her ears, glancing around her kitchen before whispering, "What do you want?"

Felicity Smoak always did know how to leave him speechless. He's not sure where to start, but he doesn't want to scare her more than he already has, and when he doesn't respond she notices.

"So now I really am crazy," she says to herself more than him.

"You aren't," Oliver hesitates unable to figure out what he needs to say to convince her.

"Are you even real?" she asks, and it's just her eyes, the way they're darting around looking for the source of the voice, the fear in them, he hasn't seen her like that in a long time.

"I was once," he murmurs, and he takes a relieved breath, it feels good talking to her again, regardless of the circumstances and how selfish he's being right now.

"What's your name? Where are you from? Why did you find me? How is this even possible?" She rushes out all the questions.

"Not important, I'm not here to stay, I'm just here to tell you that, the list you're investigating is dangerous, and you'll get hurt if you continue with it, you need to let it go."

"Do all the people who lost loved ones in The Glades need to let it go too?" she bites back.

Shit, making her angry isn't going to make her any more likely to drop it, maybe he should try a different approach.

"What happened in The Glades was a tragedy, one that was wrong for all the people involved, but the people involved are more powerful than you can imagine, you won't be able to stop them."

"So help me then, we can give the victims of The Glades the justice they deserve," she whispers, "That's why I can hear you right, you're supposed to help me."

"I am," he answers her, "By getting you to drop it, pretend you didn't find anything to report to Walter."

"You're a coward then," she whispers, "And if you aren't willing to help, get out of my head, or keep your comments to yourself." She says, before popping her headphones back in her ears and leaving him speechless for the second time today.

/

It isn't until after Felicity falls asleep and he decides to go for another walk around Starling that his father appears. "Still stuck in-between," his father muses looking at him with a determination Oliver still doesn't understand.

"I'm not stuck I've just got nowhere to go."

"You just haven't found it yet," his father answers him.

"Why didn't you tell me? I mean understand why you wouldn't want me to interfere, but why lie about it, why pretend that I couldn't?

"What are you talking about; pretend you couldn't what his father asks?

"Talk to them," Oliver murmurs, "Felicity can hear me."

"She can't hear you," his father scoffs.

"Yes she can, she all but told me so in the argument we had a few hours ago."

His father frowns before staring at him. "I really hope you're wrong Oliver."

"Why? Why can she me hear me when no one else can?"

"I wasn't entirely truthful when I told you people can't hear you over here."

"So people can hear me?" Oliver asks confused.

"It's a complicated process, Robert murmurs.

"Cliff notes then," Oliver says irritated now.

"No, not everyone can hear you, just people who are close to death" his dad whispers. Oliver doesn't speak, trying to process what his dads saying before Robert continues "Which means if Felicity Smoak can hear you, she's about to die."


	7. Chapter 7

Hey there everybody! This chapter is one of the shorter ones I've written, but I hope it doesn't disappoint, and while again I feel like I'm posting this later than usual, things have been really busy with school lately. So thank you for reading, and reviewing I appreciate it:)

Disclaimer: The idea and recognizable characters are not mine, and belong to DC, the CW, and Frank Capra. No copyright infringement intended.

**Ch.7: It Is What it Is**

"Close to death? What are you even talking about?" Oliver asks.

"I've seen it a few times Oliver," Robert whispers. "People who are about to get in a car crash or shot, heart attacks, it's just for a few days though. They can't hear you if they're on track for a long life. Being close to death brings them closer to the other side."

"Would this happen back in the other Starling?" Oliver asks.

"People hallucinate all the time son, see the white light, whatever you'd like I call it."

"So she's going to die... soon," Oliver whispers, a feeling of panic courses through his body realizing he just left her all alone.

"Unless you can change her trajectory yes, but it's not simple you don't actually know why she's going to die."

Oliver rolls his eyes because he can't help it, "Felicity's not dying in a car crash, she's dying because Malcolm Merlin or one of his associates is going to find out she knows and they're going to kill her. It can be changed."

"Well she hasn't died yet, so if you know who or what's going to kill her, get her to run, get her to give up the list, something," Robert says.

"Fat chance of that," Oliver thought back to his conversation with her earlier.

"Then get her some protection," Robert says plainly.

Then one name pops into his head, "Diggle." Oliver mouths the words without really thinking. _Well how would he convince her to go to him_? Would he take the job?

"Diggle's a noble man, if Felicity shows him all the facts, he just might help her."

"We both know what kind of past he has, he might be willing to," his father answers him.

"I've got to go back," Oliver murmurs, "I've got to get back to her apartment, we need to straighten some things out."

"Be careful," Roberts says.

"Why should I be careful?" Oliver asks, "I'm already dead."

Oliver starts running not catching his dad's last words. _It's not you I'm afraid for_.

/

She looks so disheveled when she wakes up. She always hated when he called her adorable, but she was that too. But he had bigger things to think about. Plans actually, three hours of formulating and he had come back with this.

_Get her to get anything incriminating she had, find Diggle at his apartment, show him all of it and pray that he believed her. Then bring it to Det. Lance. At least then he might be able to get a handle on it. From there he'd just need to make sure Diggle could watch her, and protect her because he couldn't. Then maybe she would stop hearing him, and she'd be okay_.

The only problem was now Felicity was actively ignoring him, with her ear buds firmly placed in her ears. Which left him with one option, interrupting her shower, and that made him feel pervy, regardless of the fact he'd seen Felicity naked plenty of times before albeit under completely different circumstances.

So once he heard her jump in the shower he went right through the door. He had no idea how to start, but he cleared his throat before saying, "Felicity?"

She starting screaming, which he should have known was going to happen, before she ripped the curtain open, but still covering herself, looked around the bathroom before realizing no one was there.

"Oh," she murmured, "It's just you."

"Just me?" he repeated.

"I thought I told you to leave me alone, and haven't you ever heard of privacy?"

Again he almost wanted to laugh that it was nothing he hadn't seen before, but refrained given the circumstances. "No," he smiled "You told me to leave you alone unless I was going to help you, and that's why I'm here."

She stares at the open space, not actually right at him, but she followed the sound of his voice. "Give me ten minutes, and please don't follow me to my room when I get dressed."

"Not a problem," he mouths before stepping back through the door, deciding to wait in the living room.

/

"I still don't even know who you are," she says evenly, "Or why I should trust you."

"I know you graduated from MIT, your mother is a cocktail waitress in Vegas, and your father left you when you were young, do you need more."

"How would you even know that?" she whispers.

"Because I know you!" he blurts out, "Well knew you, back before..."

"Back before you died," she murmurs.

"Yeah," he barely speaks the word, it still doesn't feel like he's dead sometimes, but the look of sadness on her face makes it worse.

"Well since I knew you," she smiles, "I guess this will be a fun game, me figuring out who you are, seeing as you refuse to tell me."

"None of this is a game Felicity," he says.

"Right, so what's your plan," she asks, sitting down on the couch glancing around, waiting to see where his voice comes from.

"You need to find John Diggle."

"The head of Moira Queen's security?" She asks.

"How do you even know that?" Oliver's asks her quietly.

"I know a lot of secrets about Moira Queen, but why do I need John Diggle?" She questions him.

"For protection, and for help," he answers her.

And then she laughs, not a small giggle but a full out laugh.

"What's so funny?" He mutters.

"Just the fact that you think that A, she says holding up one finger, that I can convince him to not go back to Moira and tell her everything I've told him, and B, that I can afford to hire him as a bodyguard with the salary I have. Not to mention he'll probably think I'm insane."

"Not necessarily body guard," Oliver interrupts her, "More like a helping hand, we still need him close to Moira, and he won't tell her anything once you give him all the information."

"How do you know?" she asks him quietly.

"Because he's one of the most honorable human beings I know, besides you."

"So I do know you," her mouth quirks up into a smile.

"Did," he whispers, "Now write down his address."

"So this is his place," Felicity says, hesitating on the first step up.

"Yes."

"So what do I do? I mean... What do I even ask...? How am I supposed to explain why I'm even he...?"

"Felicity!" he interrupts her rambling. "Breathe. Just take a second and breathe." He leans towards her bring his hand up to her shoulder, brushing it lightly. It used to relax her, his touch, just like hers relaxed him. She takes one deep breath before walking all the way up the steps and knocking on his door.

"Whatever you're selling," Diggle says as he's swinging the door open, "I don't need or want it."

"Oh, no Mr. Diggle," Felicity blushes, "I'm not selling anything, I actually, I mean we work together. Well not together, together, but technically we both work under the Queens. Not literally of course."

Oliver covers his mouth to stifle his laughing before Felicity whispers "Shut up," as Diggle asks her "So what exactly are you doing here?"

"I'm here because I need your help, and I can't go to the police, at least not yet." Felicity says.

"I think you must be confused, I can't be much help to anything like this."

"You're ex-military background would suggest otherwise, and while I agree you might not be the best to help, you're my best option right now. And I know you wouldn't believe this, but there's a man in my head who says he knows you or knew you, and that you could help." Felicity rushes out the last part.

Now Diggle was staring at her like she was crazy, but asks her "What's his name?"

"I don't know, he won't tell me," she answers quickly.

"Is what you have to show me illegal?"

"Probably yes," she whispers, and he starts shutting the door in her face. Before Oliver yells at her.

"Ask him about Lyla."

"What?" Felicity asks Oliver.

"Ask him about Lyla," Oliver repeats himself.

"What about her?" Felicity asks him out loud, right then Diggle says "Her who?"

"He says I need to ask you about Lyla, whoever that is," Felicity answers Diggle.

And Diggle pauses for just a second too long, and Oliver knows they have him, right before John whispers, "How do you know her?"

"I don't," Felicity shrugs, "But he does." She answers pointing towards her head.

"It's not possible." Diggle mouths.

"He knows more about me then I'd like him too, but I swear he says you can help me. He also said it doesn't matter who he is, only that you could help protect me and find anyone who helped bring down The Glades."

"Who did?" John asks confused, "They already found the machines."

"But not the people behind them," she answers, "I have this list, all these encrypted files, I've been working on, and it's come down to two people: Malcolm Merlin and Moira Queen. People need to know who destroyed The Glades John, and you can help me, just like he's helping me."

He holds open the door a little wider, before giving her a small smile, "Let's see what we've got."

/

Oliver follows her down the stairs waiting for her to say something, and eventually she does.

"I think we left him in shock."

."Probably more confused, definitely hesitant," Oliver answers her.

"That might also be because I told him I'm talking to a ghost."

"Well it would have come up at some point," Oliver smiles.

"Who is Lyla?" Felicity asks, completely changing the subject.

"When he doesn't answer she says instead, "He loved her didn't he?"

"Loves," Oliver whispers, "She's his ex-wife, but he still loves her."

"So she's important to him." Felicity questions.

"Very," he answers.

"And he's important to you?"

"Felicity."

"It's just an observation, the way you talk about John and her, they're important to you."

"They are both good people, who live complicated lives," he murmurs.

"Don't we all," she says, "It still doesn't explain your motivation for all of this. Who are you doing this for? What changed your mind?"

"I'm just trying to protect the people I love. John has all the information now, that's all you can do."

"So I just wait," she says, more like a statement than an actual question.

"Give him a little time to process it," Oliver answers her.

"And if he tells someone else?"

"He won't," Oliver assures her.

"But if he does?" she asks.

"We'll deal with it."

"That's reassuring," she laughs, "My ghost will deal with it."

He smiles just thinking, _maybe she hasn't changed as much as he thought_


	8. Chapter 8

So first I'd like to say, I know little to nothing about computer hacking so this is my best attempt at writing it. Second while longer than some of the other chapters I've written, this was more of a set up to the large flashback I've written for the next chapter. I hope you all like it and thank you for reading!

Disclaimer: The idea and recognizable characters are not mine, and belong to DC, the CW, and Frank Capra. No copyright infringement intended.

**Ch.8: Mad World**

Felicity's walking through the large glass doors of Merlin Global, as Oliver whispers over her shoulder, " I still don't see why you have to help him with anything, he's not… a good person."

"Maybe not, but it would look a bit odd if I refused that large amount of money, to look at his systems for him wouldn't it?"

Oliver rolled his eyes, even though he knew she was right, it made no sense to him why nothing had happened to him yet. The League should have been after him by now, wasn't it Nyssa who said they had rules, and that Malcolm had broken them, back in the other reality. Where were they now and why weren't they dealing with him. Instead Felicity was now heading into the belly of the beast, alone and unprotected.

"I'm not alone," she whispered, "You're here too."

Oliver paused not even realizing he'd said his last thoughts out loud. "Where are you supposed to meet him?"

"His office I'd assume, he really didn't specify." She murmured.

They were moving towards the elevators before they heard someone say, "Miss Smoak."

"Tommy," Oliver said. With everything else he'd been doing lately he almost forgot his best friend worked here now.

"Mr. Merlin." Felicity smiled.

"Tommy," he corrected her, holding out his hand for her to shake. "My father's actually not in today, but I was instructed to lead you towards our IT department, so you could take a look at our servers."

"Well thank you," Felicity says.

"We just need to stop up at my office quick, I have a few files, I need to give you, and I've been instructed to make your visit as pleasant as possible, see if we can't steal you away from Queen Consolidated yet." He winked.

And Felicity's whole face flushed. "God, he hasn't changed a bit," Oliver laughed.

"You know him too?" Felicity asks, realizing too late she said the words out loud.

"Know who?" Tommy asks her.

"No one, geeze… I'm so sorry… I just haven't had my morning cup of coffee yet, I'm just frazzled." She babbles.

"Well let's see to it that we get you one then, follow me."

So Felicity and Oliver followed Tommy to the top office, unaware of everything they were about to find.

/

"This server is a mess," Felicity murmurs. "I'm not kidding; it breaks my heart to see this."

"Then fix it," Oliver says, "So we can get out of here already." After looking around Tommy's office, and Felicity getting her cup of morning coffee, Oliver just wanted to leave, it felt surreal being here, and it gave him the creeps.

"You don't understand Oliver," Felicity groans, "These sorts of glitches, would take months, not to mention, fixing the problem is not what they hired me for, finding it is."

He stands over her shoulder as she clicks away at the keys. It's like déjà vu, except it's a different computer, a different company, and a different world. He misses the old one for a minute, because if they were there Felicity would feel his hand on her shoulder giving her a reassuring squeeze, telling her she would figure it out.

"How long do you think you'll be?" Oliver asks her.

"At this rate, two hours, maybe three."

"Well I'll leave you to it then," he says.

"Wait, you aren't staying?" she asks.

"I'll be in the building," he smiles, "I'm just going to take a peek around, is been a while."

"Mhhhm." She hums, "Why do I feel like you've been here plenty of times before, and how would you know Tommy?"

"Everyone in the world, who doesn't live under a rock, knows who Tommy Merlin is."

"Yeah, she whispers, but you sounded like you knew him."

"I'll be back in an hour," he says, cutting off her questions.

"I'll be here," she fake smiles, "Sifting through who they caught sneaking into the server."

/

Oliver wasn't going to wait around while Felicity played with the computers, he was going to take advantage of the fact that he could look around and no one could see him, and the first place he went to was Malcolm's office.

It was weird not needing to knock, but walking through the door, Malcolm's office oozes functionality. Boring, and modern, if only people really knew. Oliver was willing to admit there was still a thing or two he could learn from him about archery; Oliver's only true advantage was his youth.

He glanced around looking through his desk drawers, poking around his desk. It was beyond convenient that everything would go right back to how it was before he'd touched it. It would look like he was never here. Even now, he could see that Malcolm kept things hidden, and it was pointless to try to find them without Felicity being able to take them as evidence. So he walked back out, feeling like he'd accomplished nothing.

/

He'd hardly been gone an hour before he walked in on her endless clicking.

"Find anything yet?" he asks.

She jumped straight out of the chair. "Don't, do that!" she yelled, "You nearly scared me to death."

"Sorry," he grinned, sneaking up on her was too fun to resist.

"It's, alright, and no I haven't found anything extremely damning, but I'm close to finding out where the breach came from."

"Good." He says still smiling.

And she was right, it was maybe ten more minutes before, he saw he freeze, her fingers stopped moving across the keys.

"Felicity." he murmurs, "What is it?"

Felicity's body stays frozen as she whispers, "We have a problem."

And Oliver is looking over her shoulder at the computer within seconds, but none of what is on the screen makes any sense.

"Felicity," he mouths, "What's wrong? I don't exactly speak geek."

"The leak they're looking for, the person that snuck into their servers…. It's me, it was me." She whispers looking up towards the open space where Oliver's voice was coming from with genuine fear in her eyes.

"I think it's time to go." He whispers back at her.

/

"Explain." Oliver tells her as they're both climbing into her tiny car.

After practically running to find Tommy, telling him the servers clear, and new software was in place to keep any hackers out, but telling him the hacker was initially a ghost server, and then running out to her car, Felicity was out of breath.

"I can't believe you agreed to fix his home computer too." Oliver deadpanned.

"Well he probably thought I was crazy, but quick and efficient" Felicity bit back.

"I thought you covered you tracks when you went looking for all your files on Malcolm." Oliver says.

"I did, but I'm afraid, or at least I think, Walter didn't." she looked on the verge of tears. "I gave him those files to look through, but if he tried to look on his own he would have left a fingerprint." Every computer technician does its covering it that's the hard part… God, he probably didn't even know."

"So how does this get back to you then?" Oliver asks her.

"Because all Malcolm has to do is get on to Walters system, and see anything we've exchanged. Then it would all lead back to me."

"Then we go to QC and erase it." He tells her.

"That would take time, even if I got in there today, I'd need to speak to Walter first, get access to his computer."

"When was the last time you spoke to him?" Oliver asks her.

"Two days ago."

"We need to speak to Diggle, see what he says about all of this." he says slowly.

"I'll need to stop by my apartment, and grab a few more things; I'll need to get to QC later tonight, to start." She rushes out.

"Okay, so it's settled, your place, and then talk to Diggle, then QC."

"And somewhere in there call Walter," she adds.

"Let's make this quick then," he whispers as they pull up to her apartment.

/

She's running around grabbing different gadgets that Oliver doesn't recognize before he sees she left her TV on this morning, and news alerts are flashing across the screen.

**_Walter Steele kidnapped, Queen Family devastated. More information to come._**

Oliver hears a crash behind him as he turns to see Felicity staring at the screen; her face has gone completely white.

"I'm going to die," she whispers, "If they've got him, I'm already dead."

"No," he tries to reassure her, "Everything will be fine."

"How?" she whispers.

"There is no possible way, I'll be fine, and I need to get to QC now, see what I can erase back to me, before it's too late." Her mind running a mile a minute, before Oliver yells at her.

"Grab your stuff and well go there, right now, Okay?"

"Do you think they already know it's me?" She asks him.

"I think if they knew you were involved you'd already be dead he answers her. But it scares him that because she can hear him, maybe that's exactly what was going to happen now.

"Okay, so maybe no news is good news, get in erase it and get out." She says hopefully.

"That's the best option we have right now." He agrees with her.

"It's my only option" she whispers.

/

She really is the most amazing woman he has ever met. She breezed through the IT department, within a half hour every piece of information had been scrubbed from her computer; it was Walter's that was going to be more difficult.

"I need to get the emails and files from his laptop," she whispers to Oliver. "How am I supposed to get up there?"

"If anyone catches you, say you had a meeting," he answers her.

"But I don't."

"With everything that's happening today, I don't think they'll question it, if you accidently mixed up the dates." He answers her.

"And I just get on his computer? There are cameras in his office." She says evenly.

"You're the best hacker I know, just shut them off."

"Hacker is such an ugly word," she says, "but you're right. Let's go."

It doesn't take much, a few swipes on her tablet and she's in the main frame, the cameras rerunning earlier footage, instead of turning them off altogether.

"That's my girl," he whispers, and she blushes all the way up to her ears.

"Right," she mumbles, "well, let's get moving."

They're out of the elevator, and Walters's assistant isn't at her desk.

"Were getting really lucky today," she gives a small sigh of relief.

"Don't jinx it," he says as she starts stepping into his office sitting behind his desk, and starts breaking into his computer.

"How long will you need?" he asks her glancing around the open space.

"Twenty minutes."

"You might not have that much time." He answers her.

"Well stop distracting me, and maybe I won't need it."

She's just like she always was in The Foundry. Quick and calculating, she didn't need to prove that she was smart, and knew what she was doing because you could just see it when you looked at her. Even under stressful conditions she got her job done, and this time, it was her life on the line. As she was combing through specific files Oliver decided to be her lookout, watching the elevator for anyone who might come up.

After a few minutes of peace, he heard the small ding before he saw who was exiting… his mother.

"Felicity!" he yelled. "Moira's coming off the elevator, we need to go!"

"One more minute." She whispers.

"We don't have one! You have to go!"

"Almost done," she murmurs before she gives the computer one final click and pushes herself away from his desk making her way towards the office door, but there's no way she's going to be able to avoid Moira coming into the office.

"Mrs. Queen, I'm so sorry, I had thought I had an appointment with Walter, but then I saw the news… and it's just terrible, I'm so very sorry." She rambles.

"Smooth," Oliver whispers before she shoots him a dirty look, but then his attention is entirely on his mother, she's been crying.

"It's alright Felicity, everything's been all over the place today, I wouldn't worry about your meeting though," Moira whispers, her lower lip trembling, and it hurts Oliver to see her like that again.

'Do you need anything Mrs. Queen?" Felicity shifts uncomfortably. It weird that even over here Felicity is still so awkward with his mother. Under different circumstances it'd probably make him laugh.

"Walter," Moira tears up, "I need Walter, but he's not here and… I just would like to be alone."

"Understood," Felicity says shaking her head, "I'll just go," and she starts walking towards the elevator but Oliver hangs back.

"Everything's going to be fine mom," he whispers in her ear as he envelops her in a hug. "Malcolm won't hurt him, but you need to be honest with him this time. You can't keep lying."

He sees Felicity hovering at the elevator and she must realize he's not there, giving his mom a quick peck on the cheek he says, "Please be careful, I love you."

/

The ride back to her apartment is in complete silence, besides Felicity's quick phone call to Diggle where she explained today's events. Dig just said he'd stay and watch her apartment tonight, just to be safe. Luckily she agrees, usually she would be more stubborn about it, and Oliver couldn't deal with that right now. But he was having an even more difficult time dealing with her silent treatment.

"Why aren't you talking to me?" he asks her as they step inside her front door.

"I wasn't aware we weren't speaking."

"You didn't say anything on the ride here." He says.

"I'm just tired and I want to sleep, but just the thought... it's scary, and I'm worried, what if I fall asleep, but don't wake back up."

"You'll be fine." He tries to tell her, and then she goes off.

Will I? What kind of assurance have you given me? I mean sure you know things about me and Diggle, among many other people here in Starling, but other than that, why should I trust you, when you obviously don't trust me?

"Because I'm trying to help you." He can't help the way his voice is getting louder.

"That isn't enough," she bites back, "Because you won't tell me anything."

"I don't need to; I'm not the one in danger."

"I'm just going to sleep," she saying cutting the conversation off, "I don't want to fight with you right now, todays already been hell, and this isn't helping."

He watches her walk towards her bedroom, and he fights the urge to follow her. This isn't the first time they've fought, but they had a rule, not to go to sleep angry. Because of the work they did, and the lives they led, they never had enough time, so the time they had shouldn't be angry. Irritated maybe, but not mad, so he just stood there before he heard her voice through the hall

"If I stop yelling will you stay with me?"

His heart races hearing her say it, even though he knows it doesn't mean the same thing to her as it does to him. He hesitantly starts towards her room before he sees her sitting on her bed knees tucked up under her chin.

"I've always stayed," he smiles.

"No, but I mean in here," Oliver.

She looks in his direction curiously before he's even realized what she's just said.

"Wait, he freezes, how did you…"

"It took me a little while," she whispers, "but I've been piecing it together, how you know all these specific people, the way you said Tommy's name, how you seem to know everyone, but it was the words you said to Moira earlier, you called her mom."

"You've always been something else Felicity," he smiles," too smart for your own good."

"Were we friends too then? "She asks him, and it hurts that she doesn't remember everything they've been through together.

"We were partners, and I relied on you, and on Diggle, and that's all you need to know right now."

"Okay," she whispers, "but will you stay, at least until I fall asleep, I don't want to be alone, and even if you aren't alive, and I'm crazy, you still make me feel less alone." She pats the side of the bed opposite of her, and he lays right down facing her. His face inches from hers. He just wants to close the distance, but it's too soon, and she shouldn't be dragged into his own selfish wants.

"Well get through it you know," he whispers to her.

"I'd imagine you've already got a plan," she smiles a little, he can barely see it, but the curtains still let a little light in.

"I won't let anyone hurt you, and I'll stay as long as you need me, I'll be here." He assures her.

"I wish I could help you too Oliver, but if I was so important, why did you lie, especially after what you just said to your mother earlier, don't I deserve the same kind of truthfulness?" it was the small crack in her voice at the end that stirred something inside of him.

Truthfully he thought she deserved someone far better than him, no matter how much she always disagreed with him about it.

Instead he whispers, "I didn't want you hurt, even though it looks like it's too late for that, but you already are helping me Felicity, I already feel more at home here with you and Diggle," he whispers closing his eyes.

This was his home, being with Felicity, loving her, and seeing her every day was the closest thing he'd had to home since the day he got back from the island.

Opening his eyes he could see she'd already dozed off to sleep, her hand curled right around where his should be.


	9. Chapter 9

So I had hit a bit of writers block, then I watched the both crossover episodes and they gave plenty of inspiration:) So this is a bit longer than I usually write the chapters. Also someone pointed out that I spelled Merlyn wrong (which I have no idea how to change in previous chapters) but from now on I'll spell it right. Most of this chapter is flashback, but I thought it'd be a nice change, I hope you all enjoy!

Disclaimer: The idea and recognizable characters are not mine, and belong to DC, the CW, and Frank Capra.

**Ch.9: Somewhere Only We Know**

He woke up to the sound of her voice. "Looks like I made it through the night," she whispers, and he blinks his eyes open, letting them adjust to the light. She's smiling and her hairs a mess and it's like déjà vu waking up with her like this.

"I told you I'd keep you safe," he says to her.

"I guess you were right," she smiles.

He looks around for her alarm clock when he sees it's nearly noon. "Aren't you supposed to be at work?" He asks her.

"I called in sick. It's just... With everything that happened yesterday, I'm not in the best shape for work today." She mumbles.

"You don't think it'll look suspicious?"

"I hardly think they'll even notice," She says quietly, "The only person who ever noticed me was Walter, and now he's gone."

"I'm sorry."

"For?" she asks, and a slight crinkle forms between her eyebrows.

"Not being honest with you, not telling you about who I was, about my mother and Tommy," he rushes out quickly. It feels good finally getting it off his chest.

"We all have secrets Oliver, but that reminds me, it must be difficult for you, I mean... Seeing Tommy with Laurel and everything."

Oliver coughs loudly, unable to swallow the sudden lump in his throat. "I'm not sure what you mean?" he tries to play dumb, to find anyway to back out of where this conversation is going.

"You said yourself you were doing all this to protect the people you love. You loved Laurel before you died... And now she's marrying Tommy. Even yesterday you sounded angry about all of this," she says evenly.

"Laurel wasn't the woman I loved before I died." Oliver blurts out before covering his mouth; Felicity always did have a way of getting under his skin, making him say things he wouldn't normally speak aloud.

"Then Sara Lance," she breathes out, "What happened to her?"

Now she was bringing up the second topic he would never want to talk about. "Who?" He asks trying to play dumb again.

"Laurel's sister I mean, that's what you're so upset about right?" she questions him.

He huffs out a breath before looking at her again. She obviously knows about him bringing Sara on the Gambit, it's pretty much public knowledge, but just the way she's looking at him, with no judgment in her eyes reminds him of a different time. Even this early in the morning her eyes were bright, her face eager for new information, and he would give her what he could.

"I was in love with the most... Remarkable... Kind, caring... Felicity there are not enough words for what she was. And I love her so much but she deserved better than me, or what I could give her."

"Don't you think that maybe that was her decision, Oliver?" She smirks.

He laughed; he couldn't help it, "That's exactly what she said to me when I tried to tell her I wasn't going to be able to give her what she wanted."

"Did you get to tell her, before you died that you loved her?" She asks.

"No," he shook his head, "I didn't have enough time."

"Is there ever a good time to tell the woman you love goodbye Oliver because I'm assuming that was your plan, to run away." She says sadly.

And that's when he realized they were talking about two different deaths. She was talking about his death on The Gambit, and he was talking about his death in the alley. There were some things she was just better off not knowing.

"I'm sure Laurel was devastated, that you fell in love with her sister." But just the way she said it, almost made it sound like question.

He could help the smirk on his face, she was relentless.

"Oh she was, and I ruined her relationship with Sara," he says.

"Oliver Queen at his finest," Felicity smirks right back.

He nodded even though she couldn't see him before he climbed out of her bed and started to walk towards her living room, saying over his shoulder, "Laurel was devastated, but she wasn't the woman I loved when I died," he whispers, "And neither was Sara."

Remembering now the moment he knew how much he needed Felicity. It wasn't until the second time they broke up that he realized that he really loved her. Sure he said it enough, but it wasn't until that second time that he realized just how much.

**_FLASHBACK /_**

He saw all his things left out on her apartment step in a box and he realized she saw what happened back at The Foundry. He was an idiot.

"Felicity," he pounded on her door, "We need to talk."

Her car was in the driveway and they had both just come from The Foundry, she was here, and he needed to explain, he just needed her to listen.

"Felicity please let me in," he pleaded. His phone buzzed in his pocket, reaching to grab it her face popping up on the screen, and his fingers fumble to answer her.

"Please let me in," he asks before he lets her talk.

"Oliver, I don't want to talk to you tonight, I don't have the patience or understanding, and I'm half tempted to punch you right now," she says angrily.

"It didn't mean anything," he whispers to her.

"That only makes it worse."

"I'm sorry," he tells her, even though at this moment he knows it isn't enough.

"Not tonight Oliver just go," she huffs out, and he hears the click as she hangs up on him, and he can't help the way his fist bangs on her door one last time.

"I don't want to lose you Felicity," he whispers to the door, even though he knows she can't hear him.

He picks up his box of stuff, only to drop it back on the ground. He wasn't bringing it with him; he didn't want any of it if she didn't either. He started climbing on his bike thinking back to an hour before. How could he have ruined everything?

/

He knew letting Laurel kiss him was wrong, and that kissing her back was even worse because he didn't want her like that anymore.

Waiting in The Foundry for Felicity up to this morning was the longest eight hours of his life.

He didn't know why he did it, but with Felicity standing there now with her arms crossed he knew she'd want some kind of explanation. She was looking at him like he was Oliver Queen billionaire playboy, not the love of her life, not that he blamed her.

"I don't even know what to say," he says holding up his hands. "Don't be mad at Laurel, it wasn't... She was just."

"Oh I'm pissed at Laurel Oliver," she cuts right in, "But right now I want nothing to do with you."

"It didn't mean.."

"Don't even lead with that," she interrupts him again, "It's a weak excuse, and I just don't… Laurel loves you, and you know it, so I'm angry you let anything happen when we both know you don't love her. How could you do that to her?" Her voice cracks as she whispers, "How could you do that to me?"

He starts to walk towards her but she takes a step back. It'd be better if she'd punched him. Staring at her now he doesn't know what he can say to make it better.

"I don't know why I did it, but I don't love her, I love you."

"Which as I already said last night makes it worse because I know why you did it, you're too cowardly to move forward with me, even though we're both ready Oliver, so you had to prove it by making out with Laurel. Point made I get it, you don't want to take the next step."

She's angry and he's going to let her vent but suddenly she just stops talking, and he looks her in the eyes as she whispers, "Do you honestly think you can't get the girl?"

He's confused but she reads his mind before he can ask the question.

"Barry told me what you said, that you told him guys like you can't get the girl. Did you mean that Oliver? Because it isn't true, our only obstacle at this point is you."

"I can't," he murmurs.

He's not sure how, she can put into words why he can't give her more when he can't. That conversation with Barry was months ago now, and she'd never said anything.

"It's easy," she murmurs, "Look at you and Sara."

"And now she's dead!" He shouts.

"But you loved her in your own way Oliver, before she died, she was happy."

"I don't think about her," he stated bluntly, and Felicity flinched. "I try not to, I convinced myself for a little while that I was in love with her, but we both knew I wasn't. But I did love her. We even left it as friends. And then she died, and I couldn't breathe, and I had to keep it together while you all fell apart." He was rushing the words out, not realizing he'd wanted to say them for months now, but had kept it bottled up. And now he was about to explode.

"Oliver..." she says quietly.

"Just give me a minute," he holds his face in his hands. "I choose not to think about her because that kind of sadness swallows you whole. I lost her and it wasn't even my fault. So forgive me for being hesitant of putting someone I am in love with in danger and seeing her dead in my dreams at night."

"But I'm right here," she says calmly, like she's trying to soothe a child.

"Until something happens, until your connections to me put you at risk. And if you ever died because of me Felicity, I don't think I'd stop breathing like Sara. I'd go back to being that Oliver Queen from Lian Yu, never getting off, just trying to survive. I don't want to love someone that they can take away from me," he looks up at her sadly.

And the sadness in her eyes matches his. "Then you're in for a very lonely life Oliver, because I want more. I need more of everything, and I want it to be with you, but I can't keep waiting like this, I'm always waiting."

"I'm not trying to hurt you," he tells her.

"But by not trying to you are," she whispers to him. "You're hurting yourself too, by not letting yourself live for fear of losing the people around you. One day I'll die Oliver, but I'd rather die surrounded by the people I love," she says taking small steps towards him, "Doing the things I love," she stops right in front of him stretching on her tiptoes placing a small kiss on his cheek before breathing out, "Then alone and afraid."

/

That was the last thing she said to him, before all hell broke loose. After all the dangers of Ra's and The League of Assassins and Oliver turning down Amanda's offer of help in exchange for him helping her get insider information to help ARGUS, he still managed to defeat Ra's army and Starling was safe, he never thought she'd be in any danger.

Two days later when Diggle and Oliver find her, slumped over her computer, a dart in the back of her neck. His worst nightmare has come to life. No pulse, cold skin, her lips are almost blue.

She's dead, and Diggle's trying to speak to him but he doesn't hear a word. Ra's said he would hurt the people he loved. Just like Slade, and however he tried to reason with himself, Felicity was never safe, but unlike Sara Felicity's death actually was his fault.

He grabs her small body cradling it to his chest, before setting her on the same slab Sara was put on. He could feel the tears prick up in the corner of his eyes before he blinked them back. He remembered a time when he told Diggle he didn't want to die down here, and now he couldn't believe she had. Felicity had always wanted more, she deserved it.

"I'll find out who did this sweetheart," he whispers into her hair, breathing her in for a few more seconds, "And they will pay."

"Oliver," Diggle says pulling on his arm, "She wouldn't want you to do that. Kill people in her name."

But he's on autopilot now, everything Diggle's saying isn't going to change his mind because all he's seeing is red, and Felicity dead, and that's what he says to Diggle.

"She doesn't get to decide John, she's dead. She doesn't get to decide anything anymore."

"Where are you planning to go? We need to call her mother, we can't just leave her like this," Dig almost sounds like he's begging him, but Oliver can't deal with his pain too, when he's already being crushed by his own.

"Roy will be back," he murmurs, "You both can handle it without me."

"Roy," Diggle murmurs, "How am I supposed to explain this to him? Or about how you're abandoning her?"

"She isn't here anymore!" Oliver yells, staring right at her lifeless body. Physically she's here, but the Felicity he loves is gone, and just saying it loud, he can feel everything inside of him stating to break; he needs to get out of here.

"I'm going to speak to Waller, if anybody has anything on Ra's it'll be her." Oliver says.

"How do you know it's him? Do you want me to talk to Lyla?" Diggle asks.

"The dart is laced with the same poison Malcolm uses,, there are only a few select people in the world who would know how to make it, let alone use it, he learned it from The League," he murmurs, "and no, I don't need Lyla, I'll go to Waller myself, she needed my help before, maybe now she'll still take it."

"Oliver," John pleads one more time, "We need to make plans, Felicity...This is our Felicity…We just can't leave her."

"There's nothing left for me in Starling City Diggle," he says slowly, "She was my person, and I can't do this without her, I don't want to."

He bends down planting a light kiss on her forehead before whispering, "You'll always be my girl," and then stands up slowly leaving both Felicity's body and Diggle in The Foundry, along with his heart.

/

He's been working for ARGUS for a few months. Amanda offered him up the same deal, except this time, he actually needed her help to get the information. So that was it, for his services she would give him a location on Ra's al Ghul.

It felt weird putting an Arrow through the first one, but it became less difficult as he kept killing them. Four dead, one more to go, Amanda never did like loose ends, so he found them, got her the hard drive, then killed them, and each time he felt Oliver Queen slip away just a little more. Not that it mattered; he didn't want Oliver Queen to exist anyway.

He just had one more though, "And then I'll have him," he whispers. The revenge he's wanted for the woman he loves. God if she could see him now she'd be sick.

/

It's when he glances up at the television later that night that he sees it, when he sees her. And he can't breathe; he's starting to think he's going crazy between seeing her in his dreams and seeing her every day in real life. For just a second he thinks he imagines it, but then he sees Ray Palmer too.

And so many things come together in his mind at once. Him refusing to help Amanda the first time, and her saying she'd find a way to convince him, and she did. Promising him information on Ra's if he helped complete the mission she wanted him to in the first place. She had found his weakness and exploited it.

Like every other horrible person he's encountered as The Arrow. No wonder Diggle had constantly been calling him, if only he'd answered. He avoided any and all news of Starling since helping Amanda; he hadn't wanted any reminders of her in his life. But things were different now, he had killed four people, and felt nothing, and for a spilt second he doesn't want to go home and face Felicity like this, she would never forgive him.

But he knew better, he'd already felt the small shred of hope he hadn't in months. He could feel the thrumming of his pulse, the blood pumping through his veins, Felicity was alive. So he would finish Amanda's plan, level the playing field and then, he was going home.

/

It takes him three days to finally go to The Foundry. He called Diggle the moment he landed, but when he asked about Felicity, John wouldn't budge. "Talk to her yourself, he said, "She deserves at least that." He'd convinced himself out of going to see her for two days, but by the third his resolve cracks, he just want to see her up close, her red lips, her warm smile.

He's walking down the stairs and she sees him and her eyes light up, but he stopped breathing a few seconds ago. Four months. Of nothing from Starling, no communication with Diggle up until two days ago. He isolated himself, and he wondered how much sooner could he have found out that she was alive had he just picked up the phone. Perhaps that was why Amanda had encouraged him to finish his mission so quickly, already knowing he was going to want to get even if he ever found out. But if these past few months had taught him anything, it was revenge wasn't the answer.

He just stands there like an idiot before she bridges the distance between them running towards him and pulling him into her arms, tucking her face into his neck.

Slowly he responds to her, breathing her in, feeling her in his arms. Pulling her closer, "How?" He whispers. "What did she do to you?" Lightly he brings his hand up to her face, brushing his fingers along her jaw, and she shivers, it almost doesn't feel real.

He remembered when they had laid her out on the table dead, just like Sara. He swallowed trying to keep the tears from leaving his eyes. "You were dead," his voice cracks, "And now you're here."

"They shot me with some kind of poison," she says slowly, "It's common in the amazon I believe. Either way, it practically slows down the heartbeat until it's almost nonexistent; it really is some of ARGUS's best work." She rambles.

"They copied it from The League," he says, "But she just let you go?"

"She blackmailed Ray, he just told everyone I was on vacation. Two months in isolation. I'm still not sure where they kept me. I was basically alone, but she didn't want me Oliver, she was after you."

"And Dig?" Oliver questions.

"Hard to say I died when he didn't have a body, but the question I have Oliver is...why did you just leave? You didn't even stay one day to bury me... You left me on that table for Diggle to deal with."

His hand was still on her face, before he takes a step away from her. "I couldn't do it," he swallows the lump in his throat as he was reminded of what she looked like on that table. "I didn't want to see you put in the ground, so I ran away from it, and I wanted answers."

She gave a small nod, he knew he wasn't forgiven, but at least she understood before she murmurs, When they let me go and I came back everyone said you went to Europe with some woman, and I thought, this whole time, Oliver wasn't even worried about me, he didn't even try to find me.

"I…I didn…"

"No Oliver," she interrupts him, "I didn't know that you thought I was dead, at least until I talked to Dig. And Amanda Waller was the woman everyone saw you with, which is why I'm more worried about what she did to you." The small frown on her face made him relax just a little. She still cared about him.

"Nothing I couldn't handle, I took care of it." He whispers.

"You always do, it's one of the many things I love about you Mr. Queen." She gives him a small smile.

Love, Felicity had always loved him, she may not always say it, but he felt sick hearing her say it after all the things he'd done.

"You shouldn't want me like this." he says taking a few steps away from her.

"I can't imagine how it must have felt killing them," she breathes out.

"How did you?"

"Your eyes Oliver, they look scared and dead… I haven't seen them like that since you were The Hood, since Moira died."

"I didn't feel anything." Which he now realized was a lie, he felt anger, rage, and guilt, and he might as well admit that he felt that too.

"Then what made you do it? You thought you knew the poison was from Ra's why go looking for trouble?" she asks.

"It didn't make sense, after everything that had happened. We had stopped him," Oliver whispered, "I had to know why you? He could have killed Thea, dig, even Laurel. After I realized he wasn't involved at all and it was Amanda pulling the strings it made sense. You are the one person... You are my person."

He stepped back towards her and pulled her close then, unable to stop touching her, still making sure she isn't in his imagination and her arms slide under his coat, wrapping around to his back. "I'm sorry about everything I said to you before, about Laurel, all of it, it's constantly on a reel in my head," he says.

"I wish you weren't afraid of all of this Oliver, that you wouldn't be so afraid of being happy," her words muffled into his chest.

"I don't know if it matters now," he says.

"It matters," she says pulling her face back to look at him. "You still matter."

And just like she always had she was pulling him back. The small pieces of his humanity were tied to her even if she didn't know it, and he never wanted to be without her again, and his words tumbled out before he could stop them, "I don't care if they can take you away from me. Let them try, I'm done giving up the person I love for people who keeping use me to get what they want."

"I'll do what I can to make it easier for you," she whispered into his neck giving him a small kiss. "I thought you just left. Dig, said you just took off, and he couldn't reach you. And then I kept trying to find you, but there's only so much I can do against ARGUS, which is when I knew she had you."

"And I did everything she wanted," he breathed out thinking of the five people now dead because of him, and his miscalculated vendetta. He could feel the tears starting to form in his eyes, but felicity kept on holding him.

"I'm sorry," she whispered again and again, rubbing small circles on his back. Leaning up towards his face she presses her lips lightly against his, but it's like they're both hungry for contact, and it's becomes something else entirely. They fall into each other like no time has passed, him gripping her so tightly she's sure she'll have bruises but nothing feels better than his kiss. She's absolutely sure she'll never get tired of it for her entire life.

And Oliver's no different. While he's holding her tight her arms are still wrapped around him, soothing him as their mouths meet again and again. That was the thing about Felicity; she always knew what to do to keep him calm.

So that's what she did. After they pulled apart. She held him and listened, didn't pass judgment while he fell apart. He never needed her more in his entire life.

**_END OF FLASHBACK/_**

She's in the kitchen too now snapping her fingers trying to get his attention. Same hair, same face, same smile, but not his. This Felicity didn't love him, hell she didn't even know him.

"You there?" she asks staring into space, even though he's nowhere near the fridge. "Oliver?!" she almost yells. "Where are you?"

"Right here," he says plainly, but even he can hear how off his voice sounds right now and she catches it.

"Where were you right then?" she frowns.

"The past," he murmurs, "I was just remembering something I hadn't thought about in forever."


	10. Chapter 10

Hey everybody! Well Finals week is officially over (Thank God!) so the chapters will probably be a little longer now. So some things I just wanted to throw out there to fix any confusion. I mentioned in Ch. 5 about Oliver pushing her away three more times after that Hospital hallway kiss. The Flashbacks each deal with one of those times. So there will be more, but not in this chapter. Hopefully that clears up some of the confusion. This chapter has a lot going on, and I'm not entirely happy with the pacing, but it is what it is. :/ Anyways I seriously cannot thank you enough for reading this story and reviewing. It makes writing it worth it :)

Disclaimer: The idea and recognizable characters are not mine, and belong to DC, the CW and Frank Capra. No copyright infringement intended.

**Ch.10: The Heart Wants What it Wants**

After the awkwardness in the kitchen they spent an unusual amount of time in her apartment that day simply being lazy, which he hadn't done with her in months. It was only after watching two movies that Felicity actually asks him another question.

"You still haven't really explained it to me, not really," she whispers.

"What?"

"We were never friends before The Gambit crashed," she says, "And I talked to Diggle, he didn't become your mother's bodyguard until a little over a year ago. We didn't know you."

"So?" He asks confused.

"So tell me about your other life?" she smiles.

"Other life?" He asks her, just realizing now how he'd slipped up before. How he's complicated things by telling her more than she needed to know. It's why he should have kept his mouth shut in the first place. He told her in the beginning he knew her and Diggle, never guessing she'd find out who he was. Now he needs to cover.

"You said you relied on me and Diggle that we were your partners, I'm going to assume that means I knew you. But I never met you before The Gambit was shipwrecked, but you know things, you know me. I'd say its crazy, but I'm talking to a ghost so." She babbles.

"We did meet actually," he said smiling, "At that expo."

"Quit changing the subject," she murmured.

"I lied," he says slowly waiting for her reaction. "I didn't really know you or Diggle, not as Oliver Queen."

"Then how did you kno..." She asks.

"All those things about you? When you're dead, any knowledge is really assessable," he says the lies just pouring out of his mouth, but it's better this way. Her thinking about a different life where he came from would only confuse her, and hurt her.

"What's my favorite ice cream?" she challenges him.

"Mint chocolate chip."

"My favorite pastry?" she says a crease forming between her eyebrows.

"Trick question," he smirks, "It's a Cronut. Try harder."

She narrows her eyes before her eyes light up, "Fine, I've never, ever told anyone this, what was my favorite birthday present I ever received?"

He hesitates not wanting to say it. It hurts him because in the other life she told him this in confidence. And now, it felt wrong to use it to prove something, but he had to convince her.

"You were seven, and your father came home with two boxes, one had a computer in it which you loved…"

"You're wrong she grins, "So you don't know everything."

"Let me finish," he laughs. "But the other gift was a small locket, with your initials on it, and a picture of your whole family inside. Even after your dad left you, you still kept, hidden away in a box below you bed. I'm willing to bed it's under your bed now."

Her eyes were glassy as he finished. "So then if you didn't actually know me Oliver, why are you here?"

He wanted to tell her, everything. That because she could hear him, it meant she was going to die, even now after erasing everything from Walter's computer she still wasn't safe, but telling her would only make it worse.

"I told you, you were in danger, that I came to protect the people I love, but I'm also here to right the wrongs of my family. Starling deserves that, and you and Diggle can help me, the same way I can help you." He says.

"It figures," she smiles a little, the sadness in her eyes gone, "that I didn't really know Oliver queen."

"I would have been lucky to know you Felicity, but right now we need to come up with a plan," he tells her.

"What sort of plan?" she questions, "I thought that's why we cleared Walter's computer."

"One that involves you getting Malcolm to stop searching for you," Oliver mumbles.

"He isn't looking for me," she says, "He hardly even knows me."

"He is." _If you can still hear me, it means he's still looking_ he keeps the thought in his head.

"How do you know?" She asks.

"Intuition," he rolls his eyes.

"That book is really the only thing standing between him and a lifetime in prison Felicity."

"And your mother?" She whispers.

"And my mother," he repeats quietly.

"Are you sure you can do that Oliver, just turn in your mother?"

"I won't be the one turning her in you will," he answers her honestly.

"So I'm assuming you already have a plan then?" she chuckles.

"It's not the best, but it'll do for now," he tells her.

"Okay…" she hesitates, "What is it?"

"Can you manage to get an untraceable message to Merlyn from a city near Nanda Parbat?"

"Probably," she says quietly, "But why?"

"Because we need to scare him, make him think someone's coming for him, and I know just who will be able to do that."

"So why from there?" she asks him.

"He's made a few enemies in his lifetime, the more dangerous ones live there, and he won't want them in Starling," Oliver says smugly.

"What do we need it to say," she says pulling out her laptop, starting the endless clicking of her fingers against the keys.

"Keep it short," he tells her:

_The Magician,_

_We have waited long enough. See you soon._

"The magician? That just sounds ridiculous." She laughs.

"Trust me," he says smiling.

"You've been saying that a lot lately," she narrows her eyes at him.

It takes everything in him not to tackle her on the couch.

\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\

"He's opened the email Oliver," she whispers.

"And?" He asks hoping it might have been enough.

"And what?" she asks him confused.

"It didn't work," he murmurs, _she's still hearing me_; "We need another plan."

"How do you know it didn't work, he only opened it two minutes ago, I'd hardly say that's enough time to..."

"Felicity, I promise you, it didn't work. He's still looking for that book, and if he finds you before you find more proof, you're dead!" He shouts at her.

"Then I'll find more proof!" She shouts back.

"It isn't that easy," he says rubbing his hands over his face.

"If I could just hack into his main computer at Merlyn Global. It's on there, the blueprints, emails I'm sure of it Oliver."

"No," he tells her, his tone on the verge of anger.

"But we could get him," she whispers.

"And get yourself killed in the process, it's too risky if you got caught," he says.

"I'd have Diggle, and I could bring down his security systems in seconds, hack his computer and then put the security systems back up, no one would even notice." She says sounding absolutely sure of herself. He felt so much pride, but it was overshadowed by worry.

"No," he says like this conversation is finished. "It's not worth that. If he were to catch you that would be it."

"Fine," she whispers, "But I'm tired, let's just think of a new plan tomorrow, and get some sleep."

"Sleep?" he asks her.

Standing up she starts walking down the hall towards her bedroom looking over her shoulder.

"Well," she smiles, "Are you coming or not."

He got up and starting walking after her, he would follow her anywhere.

/

He wakes up drenched in sweat, alone in Felicity's bed. _Alone_. His first thought is someone took her, and he slept right through it. But walking through the apartment he notices nothing was broken, and Felicity would have put up a fight. He's walking through the kitchen when he sees it, a small note taped to the refrigerator.

_Oliver, don't be angry, but I called John, and he agreed with what you said. The longer we have this book and allow Malcolm to walk around with it, the more danger we're in. It will all work out. I'm sorry._

_Felicity_.

He was out the door heading towards Merlyn Global within seconds.

/

"Is Oliver sure this will work?" Diggle asks her.

They're both sitting inside of a van in front of Merlyn Global waiting for the right time to execute Felicity's plan.

"Yes, it's risky but he says so long as you watch the main office doors I can be in and out. There are less security guards at night, and they'll be switching shifts in the next five minutes. And then I can put the footage on a loop."

"For how long?" He asks her.

"Ten minutes maybe, I'll have to be quick." She says quietly.

"And how do you plan on getting into his computer," Diggle questions her again.

"I'm in an IT Department John," she laughs, "I can handle this, you need to calm down."

"Oh yeah, a hacker," Diggle says deadpan, "That makes me feel so much better."

"That's such an ugly word, but yeah, I have this program that should be able to get me in and out, downloading his files in minutes."

"Without letting anyone know you were ever there?"

"Yes." She says exasperated.

"And if we get seen by the cameras?" Diggle keeps questioning her.

"I brought these," she says holding up two ski masks, one a dark red and the other dark blue.

"Do I even want to ask why you have these?" John smirks at her.

"No, because I'm not even sure they are actually mine." She looks confused.

"Wait," Diggle says over his shoulder, "There are the other security guards. We need to move."

And so they did, slowing slipping up Merlyn Global and up into Malcolm's office.

/

He sees Malcolm heading towards the main doors and he just knows something is about to go terribly wrong.

So he does what he knows, follows him into the elevator, waiting over his shoulder, scared because he has no idea where Dig and Felicity are, but assuming they're in his office, which is about to be a huge problem.

_Why would he be coming back to his office this late anyway_ he thinks to himself. Until he understands. _The email, the league_. Oliver had made a huge mistake. _He has the small fortress hidden behind the wall of his office, it's probably one of the safest places in Starling, and he's hiding now_.

The elevator dings and he rushes out seeing Diggle in a blue ski mask in his peripheral vision.

"Diggle you need to get to her!" he's yelling from the elevator as it opens.

"I'm on it," John answers him, and Oliver freezes.

And Malcolm sees Diggle the same time Diggle sees Malcolm. But Diggle runs towards the office.

_God, the fact that John can hear him scares him more; Felicity and John are both in trouble now_.

Malcolm may not have a gun, but that doesn't mean he isn't quick and lethal. It's takes about ten seconds before he's kicking John in the side, but John lands a solid punch back, and it goes back and forth, but Oliver doesn't have time to watch he has to get to her.

"Felicity," he whispers, opening the main door to Malcolm's office.

He sees her so focused on the computer, she isn't aware of everything going on outside the office as he sneaks up behind her.

"You are in so much trouble," he growls in her ear.

"Oliver," she breathes, his voice sending a shiver down her spine, "I found it, there's just... It's going to take a few more minutes to download it all."

"We don't have a few minutes! "He yells at her. "Diggle's fighting off Malcolm in the hall."

"Fighting Malcolm?" She asks, "But the blueprints, the emails."

"Are not worth dying over, we need to get you out of here," he tells her.

"I need another minute, Oliver."

At the same moment Diggle throws Malcolm through the glass door, but he's back up on his feet in seconds.

"Get down Felicity!" Oliver yells, as she sinks beneath Malcolm's desk.

Oliver's behind her as she feels around for something she can protect herself with. "Don't most bad guys keep a gun under their desk?" She whispers to Oliver.

He rolls his eyes, "Stay here." He says, popping his head up to look at John and Malcolm.

Diggle lifts his gun pointing it towards Malcolm. "I don't want to shoot you, but I won't let you hurt anyone else."

"Shoot him John, he isn't going to hesitate killing you," Oliver says, but John doesn't move.

"So Ra's isn't the one who sent you, or you wouldn't give me the choice to live." Malcolm laughs.

"Ra's?" Diggle asks confused.

"The head of the demon," Malcolm says, "And if you don't know him, well that means you aren't nearly as important as I thought." He takes a small step closer.

"If you take one more step I will shoot," Diggle threatens him again.

"Diggle," Oliver whispers, and he knows that John isn't going to shoot him, because Malcolm can't hear him. So he's not dying anytime soon.

"You should never hesitate to do what is necessary," Malcolm says ducking down and sliding in front of Diggle, kicking his feet out from under him. "It can make the difference between life and death," Malcolm smiles, but it's anything but pleasant.

He's practically pummeling Diggle before he's pulled a small dagger out of his shoe.

Oliver watches helpless because he can't do anything for him, but he sees a small movement out of the corner of his eye.

"Felicity don't!" Oliver shouts too late.

But at that exact second she's hit Malcolm across the back two times. And he crumbles on top of Diggle.

"Much better than a gun," Felicity huffs, "I didn't kill him did I?"

"No, I don't think so, and what was that?" Diggle asks moving out from under Malcolm's limp body.

"Some type of Taser I think, it was under his desk, but we need to go, I don't know how long he'll be out."

"If that groaning is any indication," Diggle points at Malcolm's mumbling, "I'd say not too much longer. Grab the drive and let get out of here."

"It hasn't completed the download."

"Get out of here, both of you!" Oliver yells.

"Felicity we have to go," Diggle pleads with her, agreeing with Oliver.

"But all that information…"

"We'll come up with a different idea, but we need to be alive to do it," Diggle says.

"Fine," she moans ripping the drive out of his computer before running towards the broken glass door with Diggle, "But we'll need to come back."

They're both running towards the van when she asks looking at John's bloody arm.

"John are you alright?"

"Just a scratch Felicity, are you okay? I mean you saved my life."

"It was nothing, you were already protecting me. He didn't see my face, so that's good. But did you see the way he moved John? It's like he's into some type of martial arts. Oliver never told me that."

"Well he's been trained well by whoever taught him," John murmurs, rubbing his hands over his face, "Maybe this wasn't the smartest idea."

"I wasn't able to download the complete files, but I know they're there now Diggle. They were right there, his exchanges with Moira, the machine, everything. And I wasn't fast enough," she says holding up her hands.

Oliver looks between the two of them, scared and relieved that they made it out of there alive. She's shaking, and Oliver tries to comfort her.

"Sweetheart," he goes to touch her face then pauses, realizing what he's just said before he even thought about it. He's ready for the blank look on her face and the question she's about to ask but it doesn't come.

"Diggle?" She asks glancing around, "Where's Oliver?"

"I'm right here," he whispers by her ear.

"I don't know," Diggle says, "I just heard him a few minutes ago."

"Felicity!" Oliver yells, but she doesn't flinch, doesn't even glance in his direction and just like that he knows she can't hear him anymore. And he has never been so happy and sad all at the same time.

"Do you still have the book?" Diggle asks.

"She begins frantically digging through her pockets before she whispers, "No, it's gone I must have dropped it." It's probably why he let us get away, why he's not chasing us now."

"I'm sorry Felicity," Diggle whispers.

"But where is Oliver?" she asks. "He promised he would stay and help me? Where is he?"

"Don't panic Felicity, we'll find him. Maybe he's just watching Malcolm right now."

"Yeah," she hesitates but just the way she says the words, sounds like she doesn't believe them herself. She doesn't feel him around her anymore.

/

She's been pacing around the apartment for hours. She made herself breakfast at 2AM. Tried watching TV, but now she's just lying in bed, but wide awake.

"Oliver?" She whispers into the dark. "I know what I did was stupid, and I'm sure you're angry with me, but please just talk to me. Say something because I don't know what to do. I lost the book, and now I have nothing to incriminate them with... What am I supposed to do without your help?"

"Live," he whispers, lying next to her, but she doesn't respond.

"What about Walter, everyone in The Glades? Aren't they worth helping? Aren't I worth helping," her voice cracks.

"You're worth everything Felicity," he breathes, "But that's why you shouldn't hear me anymore, and you shouldn't dig into this farther."

"Even if you ignore me Oliver, or stop helping me, I won't stop looking. I won't quit until I've put together the puzzle," she murmurs into the open space between them.

He lets out a groan as he turns towards her. She might just be the most exasperating woman he's ever met, and it's exactly why he loves her.

/

Walter is released two days later. With no idea who kidnaped him, and it's made national news.

If Oliver was worried before it's dissipated a small bit because of the conversation he overheard between Felicity and Walter earlier.

He, just like Oliver, had told her to let it go, because he had. Nothing was worth the danger that list brought into their lives. It only hurt him that she'd left his office in tears.

Most of her time now is spent wallowing in her apartment. Felicity wasn't an idiot; she has copies of the pages, pictures of the book, but it really means nothing if she can't connect it to Malcolm and Moira.

She's lost faith in any of the promises he made. When's a liar always a liar. He never did have good timing; he just wished she understood, or that we would have told her. _The second you stop hearing me, it means you're safe._

Later that night, she's laying in the dark again when he hears her whisper.

"Where are you?" she tears up. "Where are you when I need you? I thought you were supposed to be helping me. You promised you would stay. I trusted you. Please just come back," the tears slide down her cheeks but she swallows the sobs before laying her head down on her pillow. He sits down next to her wiping them away even though it doesn't help.

It's too much, and she's too much and he can't keep looking at her like this. He needs to get out of her house, and let her move on with her life.

/

He walks down towards where The Foundry used to be. His second home really. When he sees a woman jumping over rooftops and racing down the block after two men, just the bright blonde of her hair has him following. He'd know that wig, and dark outfit anywhere.

She's beating the shit out of two thugs before he hears her murmur, "Maybe that'll teach you a thing or two about stealing a lady's purse."

He's within feet of her now, and he can't help but say something

"Sara," he whispers and the words move towards her and she's looking at him.

"Who's there?" she turns in the dark.

The happiness in his heart is gone as he realizes just like Felicity, Sara can hear him. Which means she isn't safe, why does this keep happening to him?

"Why would you come back here?" He asks her, and she searches through the dark for the source of the sound.

"Who are you?"

"You forget about me that soon?" he teases her, and then he'd swear on his life he sees tears in her eyes.

"Ollie?"

"What?" he asks her.

"Where are you?" She keeps looking around.

"Dead," he answers, "But you aren't crazy. Please have an open mind," he babbles out before she cuts him off.

"I already know you're dead, but how?" She whispers.

"Wait? How did you know I was dead?" He asks her.

"I was on Lian Yu with you, and I watched you die Oliver, so how are you here?"

"We need to get out of here," he says waiting for her to follow." Is there anywhere quieter we can talk?"

"Don't want anyone to hear you?" She smiles.

"No, not many people can hear me anyway," he murmurs.

"Explain," she frowns.

"I will just bring me to one of your safe houses and we can talk," when she pauses, he laughs, "We both know you have one around here."

"Follow me," she whispers and he walks behind her in the dark.

/

"So if I can hear you it means what? I'm going to die? Come on now Ollie, please tell me you really don't believe that." She says to him.

_He tells her about what happened in his other life, leading up to him waking up in this one before explaining his current problems with Felicity and Malcolm._

"Felicity could hear me, and Malcolm almost killed her. Diggle was there and he stopped him, sort of, but she can't hear me anymore," he whispers, "She's safe."

"For now," Sara scoffs. "He knows who she is."

"No, she was wearing a mask, a ski mask," Oliver holds his head in his hands trying to stop himself from laughing. "It was a poor plan, but no he doesn't know who she is yet."

"Well you've actually made my job easier Ollie. I came to bring Malcolm Merlyn back to the league. He has to pay for what he did to The Glades."

_It clicks together in his head. The small pieces._ "Why send you?" Oliver murmurs.

"I do as I'm told." Sara says back.

_Ra's knew Laurel was getting married in two weeks, knew Malcolm would be there, knew that Sara wouldn't be able to bring back Malcolm without hurting herself._

"Ra's wants you dead Sara," Oliver whispers, "That's why you can hear me."

"Or all the guilt is finally getting to me," Sara whispered.

"I already told you, you aren't crazy. If you don't believe me talk to Felicity. Or better yet don't fight Malcolm and see if you still hear me in your head."

"If you know as much as I think you do about The League Oliver, you know that I don't really have a choice."

/

After his conversation with Sara, he spends even more time as a fly on the wall. Watching Thea, little Ollie, Moira, and Walter; And Felicity, he can't help it; it's just an endless cycle. Which is how he finds himself at Tommy's house with her today.

She's sitting at the desktop in Tommy and Laurel house, clicking away, pure frustration in her movements. When Tommy says to her, "Thanks for doing this Felicity, truly you are a lifesaver."

"It's not a problem Tommy, really, I'm glad to help."

"So long as Laurel doesn't find out that I waited until the last minute to fix this well both be in the clear," he grins at her, and even though Oliver knows that Tommy loves Laurel, he feel jealous of the way Tommy's looking at Felicity.

"Who'll both be in the clear?" And both their heads turn to see Laurel walking into the home office.

"I was so close," Tommy chuckled, "This close," he says holding up his fingers to show the small distance.

Felicity giggles and that makes Oliver smile instead, it's the happiest she's looked in weeks.

"Tommy guilted you into to fixing our computer," Laurel narrows her eyes at him.

"Guilt is a strong word," Tommy smiled, "More like begged, and bribed, but dad actually needs me back at the office. So maybe you could stick around with Felicity while she finishes up?" he asks her.

"Tommy we're supposed to run by the church two hours from now, to decide the final arrangement plans," she says evenly.

"I'll be there," he grins, "Promise."

She rolls her eyes but laughs, "Fine, but if your late, you have to tell me where we're going for the honeymoon."

"Deal," he smiles again, "But that's never going to happen, also be nice to Felicity, she's a godsend."

"Yes, Tommy and thank you so much for introducing us," she chuckles.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I'm Felicity, I worked on some servers for Mr. Merlyn, but I actually work in the IT Department for QC."

"Smart girl, I'm Laurel Lance, District Attorney, but I'm sure Tommy's already told you that," she smiles.

"Aww look at you too playing all nice together," Tommy says, leaning in to give Laurel a kiss. "I'll see you later babe. Love you."

"Love you," she whispers as he walks out the door.

"So you work with The Queens?" Laurel asks.

"Yeah, they're great," Felicity murmurs, feeling awkward talking about The Queens with a woman who just a few years ago was we'll on her way to becoming one.

"Oh yeah, I just saw little Ollie and Thea the other day, but I haven't seen them much, they are coming to the wedding though." She says.

"That's great," Felicity says, but Oliver laughs at her overenthusiastic tone.

"After everything that's happened. I'm just glad we're all still close," Laurel says quietly.

"Do you miss him?" Felicity blurts, and then covers her face. "I'm sorry that's none of my business, you don't have to answer that. Sometimes my mouth just moves ahead of my brain."

"It's alright," Laurel whispers, gesturing over Felicity's shoulder at the frame behind her. A picture of Oliver and Laurel in front of a Christmas tree, "There isn't a day that I don't think about him, or how different things could have happened, and I loved him very much, but it wasn't enough and life happened."

"I'm sure he loved you," Felicity whispered.

Laurel smiled, "In his own way yes, but not like Tommy, not like he would move mountains for me, and I hated him for a long time for that."

"You don't need to tell me this," Felicity whispers uncomfortably, thinking how she barely even knows this woman.

"I just, he never needed me, and when I needed him he was never there, I don't mean to throw this on your or anything," Laurel says.

"I'm sorry," Felicity starts to tear up.

Oliver feels sick looking between the two of them. The two women that he has loved in his lifetime. Not being there for Laurel is starting to feel like a parallel to his current predicament with Felicity.

"Its life," Laurel shrugs.

"But no one deserves that," Felicity breathes.

"In some ways I think it was a gift. It took me losing what I thought I wanted to find what I needed," Laurel smiles.

Felicity continued to click away before she realized she'd finished everything Tommy asked her to before answering Laurel.

"I'm glad it all worked out for you Laurel, but I'm actually finished up here."

"Has Tommy paid you?" Laurel asks.

"Oh its fine, he was just going to send a check, but," she says standing awkwardly, "I'm just going to head out. But congratulations on the wedding and everything, Mazzal tov."

"Thank you Felicity," Laurel says to her.

She starts walking away towards the front door but hears Laurel's voice and stops.

"And Felicity?" Laurel says quietly.

"Yes?"

"It'll work out," Laurel tells her.

"What?" She asks confused.

"Whoever has you all tied up in knots, you'll both figure it out. He needs you as much as you need him."

Oliver swallows the lump in his throat as he watches their interaction.

"Oh," Felicity whispers. "Thank you," she says tears filling her eyes as she shuts the door behind her, heading back home towards her empty home.

/

He decides to meet Sara the next day when he sees her. She's been crying again, the red rims still around her eyes, and it's his fault. He promised be there, and now. She has no list, no leverage, and she can't hear him, so she's safe.

"So that was your girl," Sara smiles looking at her walk towards the deli.

"How did you..." he starts but Sara cuts him off.

"You stopped talking the second she crossed our path Ollie," Sara laughs at him.

"And she's my girl, present tense Sara; she'll always be my girl," Oliver whispers, "Even if she doesn't know it."

"So she can't hear you now?" Sara asks.

"No, but it's better this way, at least she's safe, she gets to live."

"With the guilt of never finding justice for all those people, yeah I'm sure she's really happy about that," Sara smirks.

"It isn't her fight," Oliver says.

"Maybe not, but speaking as someone who lives with the guilt and blood on her hands every day, I wish I could go back at change things sometimes. I wish I would have fought harder, so that you didn't have to die."

"But I did, and I really wish you'd tell me how by the way, and we can't change that, but I can save her, by keeping her out of it," he rushes all the words out. "I just wish she knew I didn't abandon her."

"I'll tell her," Sara smiles before walking towards the deli.

"Sara no," he says reaching for her arm only to go through it. "Please don't, it'll only hurt her more."

Sara rolls her eyes before she goes through the double doors. "She should know that way she's not waiting around for you." Sara says.

She taps Felicity on the shoulder before saying, "Hi, I'm Sara, Oliver just wanted you know if you can't hear him it means you're safe now. You aren't going to die."

"Wait what?" Felicity asks he completely confused.

"I didn't tell her she was going to die Sara, I just said she was in danger, so thank you," he says exasperated.

"I was going to die?" Felicity whispers.

"He was just trying to protect you," Sara murmurs.

"So that's it, game over the bad guys win?" Felicity questions her.

"You aren't capable of stopping them on your own," Sara whispers.

"So what I sit here and do nothing?" Felicity asks.

"Wow Ollie, you sure do know how to pick them," Sara laughs at him.

"Wait," Felicity says, "He's here? Right now?"

And just the hopefulness in her voice has him whispering to Sara, "Lie," and she does.

"No, Felicity he's not here, here. I talked to him a few nights ago."

"Which means you're going to die," Felicity covers her mouth panicking.

"It's kind of in my line of work, nothing to really worry about," Sara shrugs, "But you, Oliver wants you safe an away from all of this. He loves you an awful lot you know."

Oliver smiles when he sees confusion and a familiar blush creep up Felicity's cheeks before she whispers, "With or without him. Malcolm and Moira will get what they deserve; I need to make sure of it."

The smile disappears from his face as he hears Sara say, "Then be sure to watch you're back Felicity because you're now painting a target on it."


	11. Chapter 11

So I know I'm a few days behind on updating this story, but with two Christmas parties this past weekend, I have had no time to post. On the plus side I'm done writing the rest of this story, it's just really needs editing, so there are about two, maybe three chapters left. Thank you all for continuing to read it, and I always appreciate the feedbackJ

Disclaimer: The idea and recognizable characters are not mine, and belong to DC, the CW, and Frank Capra. No copyright infringement intended.

**Ch.11: End of the Road**

"As if I don't already have one?" She snips at Sara, "That's why I could hear Oliver wasn't it?"

"Fair point," Sara nods, and Oliver sees the way her face shifts, and he doesn't like it. "I can get you that list back if you want it Felicity, and I mean if you really want it."

"You would do that for me?" she whispers.

"Sara," Oliver growls between his teeth, "Don't."

And it's like Felicity picks up on the tension between them as she shuffles uncomfortably.

"Well I'm sure Oliver won't be pleased," Sara murmurs, "But I figure you could use the help, considering you've hit a dead end and all."

Felicity's eyes go wide, "He said that?" She whispers, "That I hit a dead end?"

"See what you've done," he says, "Now she's going to do something she shouldn't."

"He just said he didn't think you'd be able to do this alone, and now you're not, but when I give you that list, do something with it. Give it to the Police, the FBI, don't go chasing after Merlyn," Sara says evenly.

"I know who I can give it to," she nods, "I can handle it better this time, do you need my address?"

"No," Sara smiles, "I'm sure I can find it. It was nice meeting you Felicity."

"Likewise Sara..." And as she starts walking away she turns back around, "And Sara, you should go to Laurel's wedding, I'm sure she would love to see you, even though she thinks you're dead."

"I..." Sara's speechless as Oliver laughs, and Felicity smiles brightly before walking out the door, and back down the street.

"I told you she's something else," he says.

"Entirely, and she might be too good for you Ollie," she gestures that maybe they should make their way out of the deli too, _that's all Sara really needs, is for people to see her talking to empty space_, which is how they end up in the back alley.

"Oh, she's definitely too good for me, but I still love her, which is why I'm asking you not to give her that book when you get it."

"I already told her I would, and I don't think she needs to be let down anymore at this point."

"Sara." He says angrily.

"Oliver let her take care of herself alright, she's a big girl."

"But she can't," Oliver huffs, "She isn't like you, she's strong, but in completely different ways."

"Then let her show you," Sara murmurs, "That list isn't going to kill her Ollie, let her live a little."

"Like you're living right now?" he asks.

"You know I haven't made a decision yet," Sara says.

"If you can still hear me, it means you're going to kill him, or die trying." He tells her.

"Oliver please, not right now."

"Fine, but I don't really feel like watching another person I love die right now," he says walking back towards the street.

"Where are you going?" She asks, hearing his footsteps getting farther away.

"Where do you think?"

"You can't watch her every second of every day for the rest of her life Oliver," Sara says quietly.

"No, but I can try."

/

She's been running security checks all day and he's just been watching her, and he hates to admit she looks happy again. The lights sort of back in her eyes, it's just too bad it scares him more than it thrills him. This Felicity is a lot more reckless, with her own life, not thinking about the consequences.

"I don't know what I'm supposed to do with you, or how to help you." He says to her.

She keeps clicking, oblivious to the fact he's right there, when she stands up to get more coffee, he stays seated, letting her have a few minutes to herself, but she's back quickly, continuing with her work.

After two more hours of impatiently watching her not leave the office he lets out a huge huff.

"I have never given you enough credit, this seriously might be the most boring job on the planet, and I thought that being a CEO was bad," he complains.

And suddenly she smirks, and he sees it.

"Felicity," he murmurs angry now.

To her credit she tries, but he'd know that grin anywhere, that was her _"I've been caught"_ smile.

"How long?" He asks.

"Don't be mad," she whispers.

"How long?" he repeats himself.

"Since the deli earlier?" she says quietly.

_Well that would explain the shift in her mood _he thinks but says, "The whole time?"

"No," she shakes her head, "One second it was just me and Sara talking, and then I heard yours."

"At what point?" He says aggravated now.

"Sara... Don't." She whispers, "But Oliver, don't worry, I'm not going to die because of this. I mean that's why you're angry right? I'm not going to do anything with the list once I get it. I'm going to get it to someone else who can do something with it."

"Who?" He asks her.

"I can't tell you that yet." She answers quietly.

He groans running his hands down his face, and begins pacing along her small office.

"Stop pacing," she says.

"I'm not."

"I can hear your shoes," she smiles.

"So what if I am, you aren't making this easy Felicity." He chastises her.

She shrugs, "Good things are never easy, but they are worth it," she raises her eyebrows waiting for him to argue with her.

He decided against it, he's yet to really win an argument with her anyway. "Fine, but as soon as you get that list, you have three days, or I'll..."

"Or you'll what Oliver?" she smirks challenging him.

He can't help the way he moves across her office in seconds, his face zeroing in on hers before he whispers, and she shivers startled by his proximity, "You don't want to find out."

/

Sara dropped off the book at some point during the night and while Felicity wouldn't tell him her plan, she did tell him, that she was giving up the list to somebody else tomorrow, and it pained him that after everything that happened in the past few days, he had to leave her now. He was worried that the second he took his eyes off of her, she would bolt and do something she shouldn't.

"I've got to go to the wedding," he says. _He may not be the best man, and people may not be able to see him, but there was no way he was missing his best friend's wedding._

"So go," she nods while eating her bowl of cereal in her living room.

"I'm not going unless you can promise me you have no plans on doing anything with that book until I get back. I can't be worrying about you every second I'm away."

"I won't do anything." She mouths at him.

"Felicity," He growls.

"Scouts honor," she says holding up on hand.

"You weren't in Girl Scouts," he rolls his eyes.

"You know what I mean. Go watch you best friends get married. Be happy for once."

"I am happy," he says sitting down next to her on the couch.

She turns towards the sound of his voice "I may not be able to see your face Oliver Queen, but you are a terrible liar."

"Well I was happy," he murmurs.

"Yeah," she shifts around on the couch a little bit, "Sara, mentioned something about that."

He winced at her unimpressed tone. Every time she'd wanted an explanation he'd brushed her off, but now, it was less and less likely that she was going to trust him. And after everything Sara said the other day, they simply hadn't talked about it. They'd talked about everything but that really.

"Felicity... I"

"Are going to be late for the wedding if you don't leave now, we still have plenty of time to talk." She assures him.

"Yeah, plenty," he nods, not really believing it.

"I'll seeya later," she murmurs.

"Please don't leave," he says back over his shoulder.

/

He found Sara hiding inside the small church bathroom.

"Are you going to do it?" He asks her.

"I haven't really decided yet," she murmurs wringing her hands together.

"Well you aren't dressed for a fight," he gestures towards her leather jacket over a blue simple dress.

"Maybe I'm having a change of heart," she says.

"I think you're worried about messing up Laurel's big day," he whispers.

"I ruined her life once already Oliver." Sara says sadly.

"You should go see her, before… I mean doesn't she deserve to know you're here watching her get married?" He asks.

"You think she'll actually want to see me?" And this is what he remembers Sara, needing Laurel's forgiveness.

He nods, "After the initial shock, yes I really think she will, let's go."

/

He stands just past Sara's shoulder as she knocks on Laurel's door because she was too afraid to face her alone.

Laurel's face was everything he remembered of when he had come back to life. No one ever knows how to believe someone isn't dead.

"Sara," she mouths.

Sara barely nods her head, but tears start forming in her eyes, as she walking into the small room.

"I knew you weren't dead," Laurel whispers. "I just, I knew it, but… Everyone thinks you're dead." Laurel whispers.

"Well I am, and I rather stay that way if you don't mind."

"What about mom and dad, or me?" Laurel asks, "Did you even think about us at all?"

"Every day, but there's no life for me back here now Laurel, I don't belong in Starling."

"What are you even doing here then?" She snaps at her.

"I don't know anymore," Sara whispers, and Oliver watches the mixed emotions crossing her face.

"You ruined our lives, did you know that Sara? Mom and dad they got so angry, sad; they ended up getting divorced, moms never stopped looking for you, and I, I lost my sister and the love I my life at the same time." Laurel says quietly.

"I'm sorry." Sara says.

"I hated you for that."

"I'm sorry," Sara repeats herself.

"It's not enough." Laurel murmurs.

"But you love Tommy don't you? You're happy?" Sara asks her.

"I love Tommy with all that I am, but a small part always thinks of Ollie? Would I be marrying him today if he hadn't gotten on that boat, would you have been my maid of honor? Even though I loved him, I can't forgive him for that."

"He loved you Laurel."

"Not enough," she murmurs

"He saved me you know," Sara whispers.

"What do you mean?" Oliver asks, but Sara ignores him continuing.

"There was a military group on the island we'd washed up on and we'd been split up but eventually taken captive. Oliver, me, well we met another woman named Shado. They tried to make him choose."

"Choose?" Laurel asks confused.

"Yes, between killing me and killing Shado, but he couldn't do it. But it still haunts me Laurel."

"I don't understand," Laurel asks clearly as confused as Oliver is.

"Just before it happened," Sara murmurs, "He turned his head slightly towards me whispering, "Tell Laurel I'll always love, tell her to be happy." And then he pushed me down, and then Shado too, it was all so quick. He rammed into the man with the gun. And he kept yelling for us to run. Slade Wilson, another man who we didn't see was farther into the woods, but Oliver must have because we ran straight towards him."

"What happened to Oliver?" Laurel murmurs, tears in her eyes, Oliver noticed it was ruining her makeup.

"I looked back once, where I saw them running toward us while another knocked him to his knees, and then they shot him. Point blank to the head."

Oliver couldn't breathe, he felt like he was choking, but didn't have any words. And Laurels face matched his in disbelief.

Sara whispers, "He saved me Laurel, and he did love you, but he wouldn't want you holding into him, when you've got Tommy and you love him too."

"Stay for the wedding," Laurel says, tears still in her eyes, "You don't have to sit in the pews or anything, but just, stay in the balcony, please be there. I need you."

"I wouldn't miss it," Sara whispers pulling Laurel into a hug and Oliver finally finds the words he's been searching for, "Thank you."

Letting him go would bring Laurel the peace he'd never given her in this life, or the last.

/

"She really is a stunning woman," Oliver says quietly, both him and Sara watching the ceremony from the upper balcony.

"Just not "your" stunning woman," Sara teases.

"No, not quite," he laughs, "But still just look at her."

"She looks happy," Sara smiles.

"She does," he nods his head _and so does Tommy, and Thea with Little Ollie three pews back_. After being here so long now, you think he'd be used to it, but every day he has to remind himself how different things are.

"I wish that you knew you deserve happiness too Oliver," Sara says.

"I know."

"No, you always act like you do, but you don't." She argues.

"You should get to be happy too Sara," he murmurs.

"Oh I am, I just feel guilty about how everything worked out in my life while nothing worked out in yours."

"Survivor's remorse," he teases her.

"That's not funny, we both made a mistake on The Gambit, but only one of us had to pay the consequences."

Sara waits listening for Oliver to answer her.

"You're forgiven Sara; I forgive you, if I could go back that's the way I wished it had happened. Not being a coward."

"You aren't a coward Ollie. Just, you just hold the weight of the world on your shoulders. But I've seen Laurel walk down the aisle, her and Tommy are happy. I could kill Malcolm right here from this vantage point, and he would never see it happen. But I won't do that to my sister, I'll go back and get more from the league do it right, bring him to justice, the way you want. Typical Oliver."

"Thank you," he whispers, "She deserves happiness after everything we've done to her."

"Oliver?" Sara asks.

And he's right over her shoulder. "Sara, right here."

But she doesn't move because she can't hear him. And just like before now Sara's safe, but he's all alone.

/

He makes his way back to Felicity's place well after the reception is over, and he can't stop from smiling just thinking about how happy everyone is, as he walks through the front door, not even trying to be quiet.

"How was it?" she asks from the couch.

"Perfect, beautiful." He answers her.

"So Sara didn't kill him then?" She questions.

"Felicity."

"Sorry, my mouth moves before brain," she smiles.

He can't help smiling back. "No, she didn't kill him, but you are back to being the only human being who can hear me at the moment."

"Back to being your girl," she says, and then blushes as she realizes what she's said. "That not what I…"

"I get it," he laughs, "But it does mean that we have Malcolm to deal with still."

"No it's good, it means when the list is with the right person, he'll get to rot in prison..."

"Along with my mother."

"I'm sorry Oliver."

"Don't be, it should happen, she... Knew it was wrong, and she did it anyway. I'd just rather you didn't have to be the one to do this," he whispers.

"Because I can hear you?" She whispers, "Because you're afraid I'm going to die? Or because you care about me?"

"Is this about what Sara said in the deli?" He asks her.

"We can talk about it later Oliver." She says waving her hand dismissively.

"You said that earlier."

"And I'll keep saying it until I'm ready to talk about it, or until you're willing to tell me the whole truth." She says to him.

"You'll be waiting a long time Felicity."

"Could you answer one question then," she whispers. Her face is hesitant but expectant.

"I can try."

"The wedding today, you said it was perfect, Beautiful."

"That isn't a question," He grins.

"Did you ever want that? To get married?"

And just like that his grin is gone, "No."

"Oh," she whispers, "Okay."

"Felicity."

"Yeah Oliver?"

"You should get some sleep." He says quietly.

"Well are you coming too?"

"Sure," he whispers and He follows her with quiet steps down the hall, into her room, before lying down next to her on top of the covers.

"Do you want to talk about it?" she asks him her eyes still closed.

"What?"

"Whatever it is that's bothering you," she says.

"Nothing is..."

"And don't say nothing," she smiles a little. When he doesn't respond she whispers, "You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to."

"I found out how I died today," he breathes out, and he sees her slowly open her eyes.

"You didn't know."

"No, I just; woke up and saw my father, and he told me I was dead."

"Oh," she whispers processing the new information. "Do you want to tell me what happened?"

He takes a deep breath before moving closer to her on the bed, "I was shot in the head."

"By who?"

"It doesn't matter, it's just, I died protecting Sara, and another woman on the island, I died protecting them, but"

"You can't help but wonder the life you gave up," Felicity finishes for him, small tears forming in her eyes.

"I should regret saving someone, but a small part of me does."

"I don't think you regret it Oliver, I think you just wish you could have lived, who chooses to die really?"

"There is nothing left here for me, I'm stuck in purgatory, this is my purgatory, and I don't know if I'm ever going to get out, he finally says it out loud and it feel like a huge weight is off his chest.

"You have me," she whispers, "I'm here, if you need me" and she reaches her hand out towards the sound of his voice.

"What are you…?"

"Where is your hand," she murmurs.

"I'll just bring mine to you," he smiles at her attempt to comfort him.

And even though they can't feel one another they hold hands and both drift off into the silence.

/

_FLASHBACK_

He was dreaming. He only knew it because he remembers she doesn't own that dress anymore. This was the third time, he lost her. They were at the Foundry, honestly he wasn't even sure how the argument started but once they got going, it didn't stop.

She had been irritated since dinner, but it wasn't until they went down to the Foundry that she says anything.

"Oliver, do you every even think about Marrying me?"

The way she was looking at him, it was like getting punched in the face. After everything that had happened with A.R.G.U.S. He couldn't imagine being without her, even if he couldn't "be" with her.

He saw the way she glanced through wedding catalogs, or pretended not to care when she saw old friends with their little babies, but Oliver knew she wanted it; he just couldn't be the one to give it to her.

"I'm not really the marrying kind Felicity, but you already knew that, when we decided to date... Again." He murmurs.

She tilts her head assessing him, he can tell she already knows what she wants to say, but doesn't know if she should. Her knows her, how she thinks, how she feels. each smile she has. That's what happens when you belong to another person.

"So," he murmurs, "Just say it."

"I think you choose not to be the marrying kind Oliver, it's you're defense mechanism. When the restaurant blew up, everything with Laurel, when you thought I was dead, you cut out whatever isn't necessary for survival. But that isn't a life. We all give up things for this life." She says.

"I won't start a family just so they can hurt it, I already have a son who doesn't get to know his father, so if that is what you want, the loving husband, the two kids, picket fence, go find it because I can't give that too you. Find the man that can give you what you want."

"I can't do that Oliver! "She yells. "So when I fall in love with them I can lie to them about what I do? How I help the Arrow? When you dragged me down here years ago you stole my freedom for that life. You took away my possibility of a life outside of this, I'm so wrapped up in everything down here that I don't have another life to go back to."

"Then quit!" He cuts back at her. He knew what he was doing and saying was unfair, but he doesn't regret it. She was indispensable and she knows it.

"If I quit then I'm no hero either Oliver. Heroes are supposed to be selfless, so that's what I am. And while I know The Arrow needs me, when it comes to Oliver Queen, I'm not so sure anymore. You say all these things about what we give up. I gave up my entire life for this. You, Diggle, Roy and Laurel. You are all I have." She says quietly.

"You should have more Felicity; I didn't know how much this was hurting you."

She leans in towards him giving him a quick peck on the lips, "This isn't hurting me Oliver, You are," and just the words give him shivers.

He hates when she says the last thing he wants to hear, even if he knows she is right.

So he said what he knew would hurt her more. "Then leave he!" yells back now. "That's what you do every time we fight, anytime we break up. When I first kissed you, you ran to Barry, I told you I couldn't be with you, you ran to Ray. It's what you do Felicity."

She backs away from him now, staring at him, tears pooling in her eyes, but he sees a determination in them that scares him.

He told her to leave, and without another word, she does.

/

Diggle calls her every other day because Oliver won't, even though he wants to.

"Why did you quit?"

"I didn't quit Diggle, I'm taking a vacation. Oliver told me to leave."

"Yeah, but we both know he didn't mean it, Diggle says quietly.

"He meant every word."

"You haven't seen him Felicity; he's an absolute wreck not knowing where you are, if you're okay?"

"John, quit fishing for information, I'm fine, safe. That's all you need to know right now."

"And when are you coming back?" He questions her.

"I honestly don't know; just keep an eye on Oliver for me will you?"

"I always do."

/

She walks down the stairs of The Foundry a couple weeks later, to see him sitting by her desk.

"You came back," he whispers.

"I told Diggle I was on vacation, she says dismissively.

"It's been 3 weeks since we'd heard from you, I just thought."

"You thought I'd run away because I'm the only one here running away from things Oliver," she rolls her eyes.

"I'm sorry," he whispers.

"Not forgiven," she says back, "But you look terrible, you need to sleep."

"I will, after patrol tonight."

"Okay."

"Where did you go?" he blurts out.

"Oliver." She says, her tone warning him to back off.

"How did you just leave? You didn't even call to let us know where you were."

"I wasn't aware I was important to you," she bites back, "You never called to ask."

"Well neither did you," he says his voice rising.

"You don't get to be upset with me about this," she says plainly.

"I know."

"There were just some things I needed to take care of."

"But you couldn't even talk to me, or tell anyone where you were."

"I didn't want you chasing after me, and if I would have called you would have."

"We didn't know if you were okay." He says and she walks right up to him, and her hands wrap their way around his neck pulling him towards her. _God he missed that_, he lets his hand brush along her jaw, but she pulls away.

"I was fine."

"So where did you go," he pushed.

"Promise me you won't get angry," she says hesitantly.

"So long as this doesn't end in you running off to Barry."

She blushes giving him a wide smile before laughing. "No, it doesn't."

"Then I promise," he gives a small smile back.

"Do you remember when we were fighting before I left?"

"I really don't want to…" he starts, but she cuts him off.

"No just hear me out a second Oliver. You said I didn't understand what it was like to have a son you didn't know. Who would never get to know you?"

"Felicity," he narrows his eyes, "What did you do?"

"I tracked her, and then him."

"Felicity," he huffs out, stepping away from her and putting his face in his hands. "That wasn't your place."

"I found them. And I wanted to confront her, I wanted to hurt you, but as soon as I saw her I thought. That could have been your family. It could be, and I just couldn't do that to you. "She says quietly.

"I deserve far worse," he mumbles.

She reaches into her large purse of the floor picking up a small folder, and handing it to him.

"I have everything I found about them in here. I mean you don't have to look at it but one day Oliver you'll want to. Even if you think you can't have a family right now, I see the way you look at every elementary school boy we see around Starling. The guilt eats at you even though it shouldn't. This folder has your family in it, and when you decide that they can fit into this life with you in one way or another, the folders right here," she says turning away from him to put it in the top drawer of her desk.

"This is why I love you," he says too her back and he sees her freeze.

"And when did you decide that you loved me Oliver? Love me more than you wanted too. More than you were willing to admit too. We all knew how you felt about Laurel. So I don't see why you get angry that I get frustrated when I don't know when you decided you wanted me instead."

She was standing behind her computer chair now waiting for him to speak. He didn't know when it happened. Her question wasn't really fair and she knew it, but she also knew he'd answer it. He stood taking two steps towards her, but she wouldn't look him in the eyes now.

"I had spent so much time, chasing after Laurel fixing things with her, and trying to get her back," he started then paused. _How do I even explain this_ he thought? "That by the time I could have been with her I realized I started wanting someone else without knowing how it happened," he was standing right in front of her now but she still wouldn't look at him, so he puts his hand under her chin, tugging it up lightly until she's staring at him.

"I started waiting for you, and listening for your laugh. That's why I went with Isobel, and I know that's not fair and it was shitty, but I wanted you out of my head. I couldn't risk losing you as a team member and as someone I loved."

"Don't you think I should have had some input Oliver?" She says swallowing the lump in her throat.

"I already knew your answer."

"This is exactly the same argument we keep having. You love me, and I love you. But I can't give you what you want. Right now I want you, and yes I want a husband and children. But the thing is I think you do too, you just aren't willing I admit you want something because you're so afraid it won't happen, or that it will disappear. Well guess what, I'm not going anywhere!"

He couldn't help the way he acted just then, reaching out and pulling her face to his. Three weeks of not being near her had been too much, and by the way her lips were moving against his she felt the same. Her lips parted and he was breathing her in. At that moment they just existed, the two of them, and he was just Oliver Queen and she was just Felicity Smoak. His hands slide up her back before cradling her face, and they pulled apart. Giving her a light peck he pulls her back into his arms dipping his face into her neck murmuring, "I need you."

So even when they fought they were always in limbo, each of them too afraid to push too far and knock their relationship off balance. They were together without being together when he died.

/

So the last time they fought was a small one.

After everything with Ra's they were still together. For a long time. But it was after the fight on marriage and family that they'd tried on and off for that year. Trying to salvage whatever love they had destroyed while trying to be what the other one wanted.

So she decided to try to learn how to fight because she wanted him to see she could take care of herself, and Oliver tried let her come trying to show her he could trust her in the field. Both had been terrible decisions, and only made them angrier. They had still been fighting outside of Verdant, the night of his last patrol, the night he died. She was so stubborn and persistent, which only made things harder.

_END OF FLASHBACK…_

/

He blinked slowly waking up. It hurt him to be away from her, even if she was lying right next to him.

He whispers to her even though she's sleeping, "Have you ever felt it? Holding someone in your arms and realizing that it was all you wanted, all you needed for the rest of your life?"

For a long time he'd thought he had it with Laurel. But it wasn't until he'd met Felicity that he felt it. It wasn't just how warm he felt with his arms wrapped around her. It was the way she held him back.

Tightly, securely, like she was never going to let him go. So that's why he always loved her hugs, they simply reminded him that sometimes Oliver Queen existed.

Felicity made him feel human, after those years on the island, and now he'd never get to feel that again. He could hold her, but she could never hold him back.

"I wish I had told you how I felt one last time," he says brushing his fingertips across her cheek.

/

"Todays the day, to get rid of the list," he reminds her as she walks into the kitchen that morning.

"Well good morning to you too," she says, "But it's already taken care of," she beams.

"I don't understand," he says, "How did you, if it's taken care of how can you still hear me, you shouldn't be in any danger."

"I sent it by carrier to one Mrs. Laurel Merlyn as a wedding present."

"Felicity, that wasn't…"

"Just listen Oliver, Laurel isn't crooked, and she isn't dumb, and she's willing to go after powerful people. She's the best shot, she was my only shot."

"But it wasn't enough, and now you're still…"

"Did you ever think that maybe that list wasn't the reason I'm going to die maybe that's why I'm able to hear you, accidents happen Oliver," she whispers.

"No."

"Why is that so hard to believe?" she asks him.

_Because Felicity Smoak is too much of an extraordinary person to be taken out of this world by ordinary means_ he thinks, but instead says, "Because that isn't logical."

"Compared to the idea that I'm talking to someone who's dead, come on now Oliver, I could wake up tomorrow and not hear you, we can die any day, that's life. I'm not going to hide out in fear because of it."

"I don't want to lose you," he says quietly.

"Don't say that Oliver, unless you're going to explain it."

He thinks back to last night and all that he'd told her, but he didn't want to tell her more, "I cant."

"Then don't talk anymore, I don't like people who dangle maybes, even if they think it's for my own good."

She walks away from him and all he sees are all the ways that his past life keeps coming back to haunt him.


	12. Chapter 12

I'm so sorry for anybody keeping up with this for how long it's taken me to update. I thought with break I'd have more time to write, but it's just feels like less and less. Luckily this is almost it everybody. There's just one more chapter after this one, so I hope you're all ready! EnjoyJ

Disclaimer: The idea and recognizable characters are not mine, and belong to DC, the CW, and Frank Capra. No copyright infringement intended.

/

Later when they've gone to sleep he hears her. After their fight earlier he thought it best that he sleep on the couch, but apparently she couldn't sleep either.

"_It's okay Oliver, to let me go if you want to, I won't be mad, well I'll be mad but I won't hate you or anything," _she babbles.

He can't help the smile that crosses his face.

"I'll stay," he whispers hoping she listens to him now, but she doesn't respond.

_"__I just love you is all,"_ she murmurs and I want you to be happy.

His head shoots up at her words. "What are you?" He asks but looking side to side sees he's alone in her living room. "What the hell?" He mutters standing up walking down the hall to her bedroom he takes a step inside her room and freezes. She's laying there, sound asleep. He walks towards her to make sure she's really asleep, and leaning in close he can hear her steady even breaths, her eyes don't even flinch.

He rubs his hands down his face, "God I really must be losing it," he whispers_. I can't take much more of this_, trudging his way back towards the couch he lays down and falls asleep.

/

The light shining through the small slit in the window on his face wakes him up. He groans getting up off the couch; for being dead, his body sure didn't handle the lack of sleep well. He waits to hear some type of noise coming out of Felicity's room, but there's nothing. _Doesn't she have to work today?_ He wonders walking towards her front window only to see her car isn't parked out front.

"What time is it?" He says looking around for a clock. "Noon? I slept until noon? Why didn't she wake me up?" Sitting down at the kitchen counter a small note Felicity left gave him his answer.

_Oliver,_

_I don't know if you're still at my home, or if you've actually left for good this time, in which case I guess I should be happy, but I'm not, you haven't answered enough of my questions yet. But if you are still here and just decided to ignore me this morning I thought I'd let you know after work today I'm stopping at Big Belly's to have dinner with Diggle. I just thought he deserved some of the information about what's happened with the list and I know how crazy you get when you don't know where I am or if I'm safe (we're in the 21st century Mr. Queen and I've taken self-defense classes I don't know how many times I have to tell you I'm perfectly safe) just so you know that's where I'll be. So instead of babysitting me why don't you go see your family? Considering all hells about to break loose in their household Thea, she needs somebody watching out for her too, and even your mother. She'll need you. Okay that's it, don't sit around my house all day, go do something_

_Felicity._

"She's quite a woman," a voice says from behind him making him jump.

"Dad," he mouths looking over at his father in Felicity's home is surreal.

"She still keeping you on your toes?" His father grins.

"And making the protecting her thing extremely difficult," Oliver mutters.

"She can hack it." His father lets out a little laugh.

"Punny," Oliver rolls his eyes, "But what are you doing here? I didn't ask for you... Not that I'm not happy to see you."

"What Felicity said is right, you need to go see Thea and your mother," his father says.

"I know," Oliver hesitates, "I planned to, I was planning to."

"And if you don't mind, I'd like to go with you," Roberts says.

"Really?" Oliver asks.

"Something's happening Oliver, and I can't quite explain it, but I feel like our days together now are numbered."

"I'm going to cross over?" Oliver says slowly, both relieved but wary of the news.

"I don't know," his father shrugs, "But something feels different, and so is like one last time to see my whole family together even if they can't see us."

"Then let's get going," Oliver murmurs, "We don't have time to waste."

/

"It's amazing how big Ollie's getting," his father murmurs.

"He looks just like Thea," Oliver beams.

"And your Mother," his dad smiles.

"They are so much happier here," Oliver whispers, "And it stings a little thinking about it."

"Looks are deceiving Oliver."

"Meaning?" Oliver questions.

"You've been so busy following Felicity you don't see how much they're hurting. The way Thea walks down to your headstone every day because she isn't ready to say goodbye yet, or the way your mother goes into your room and cries herself to sleep surrounded by everything that made you, you."

"I didn't know," Oliver says guiltily.

"I'm not saying it to hurt you Oliver, I'm telling you that they might be happy now, but they miss both of us all the time, and they aren't the same family we left behind all those years ago."

"You think I don't know that? That I don't wish every day that we survived?" Oliver says irritated now.

"You did survive and you gave that up," Robert says evenly.

"I didn't choose to rot here in purgatory, "Oliver mutters.

"Yes, because you aren't at peace with anything while you're still chasing after her, you lost your chance to have the life you wanted."

"So I'm just supposed to pretend Felicity doesn't exist? Who will take care of her?" Oliver asks.

"She'll take care of herself, the same way she did before she met you." Robert says.

"She would have died, Merlyn he would have killed her if I hadn't helped." Oliver tells him.

"You don't know that." His father shrugs.

"Then let's not talk about it, or her, how about we just see Mom and Thea." Oliver murmurs.

"Alright," Robert nods.

And here they are in the living room, playing with Ollie. Thea with her hair tied up into a bun on her head and Moira still in work clothes.

"She never takes them off really," Robert laughs, "Is it bad that I sort of want to see Ollie drool on her?"

"He has before," Oliver laughs, "She handed him to Raisa so quick."

Oliver joins Thea on the floor while she plays with Ollie's toes. He watches the glow she has now, her sense of purpose being that little guy right down in front of her. "You're a good Mom Thea," he smiles, "And a great sister." He tugs at her ear but she doesn't even flinch.

Then he looks over at his father admiring his mother. Yeah they hadn't had the happiest marriage, and neither one was entirely faithful, but he remembered them like this. The way they'd look at each other when they didn't realize people were watching.

Robert had his hands on both sides of her face gazing into her eyes. "It's time to pay for our sins now Moira," he whispers. "I'm only sorry you'll be the one suffering for things that were my fault too."

Oliver felt himself shrink away from that moment blinking away the tears he felt forming in his eyes.

"I'll always be here," he hears his dad whisper; "I'll always be with you, and Thea."

He looks back up at his Mom now, as she stares at Thea. "Doesn't matter what she's done, she has always been a good mother, protective, caring. She was just trying to protect us and she got so twisted up that she saw no way out." Oliver whispers.

"And now she'll pay for it," his father nods.

"I don't want to be here anymore," Oliver murmurs.

"Okay," his dad says, "Then this is goodbye for us too."

"Forever?" Oliver asks.

"For now," his dad answers, "But just remember that my words apply to you too, I'll always be with you."

Oliver starts to get up off the floor before brushing his fingers along his nephew's toes and placing a kiss on Thea's head. "I'll see you later Speedy."

/

She's actually home at a decent time so Oliver's thankful when he greets her with a question instead of a hello. "How was Diggle?"

"So we're done fighting?" She smirks.

"For now," He answers, "But how's Dig?"

"I think he's happy that it's all about to be over with, but that he'd be more than happy to help on whatever foolish crusade I do next." She laughs.

He lets out one fake laugh, letting her know just how funny he thinks it is.

"I told him to go look for Lyla," she says quietly.

"Why?" Oliver asks curiously, "You don't even know Lyla."

"Because he's obviously alone Oliver, and not happy."

"He seems fine to me," Oliver lies, and if she catches it, she ignores him.

"Fine isn't happy, and it's just… When I said Lyla's name the last time his eyes lit up, he still cares about her." She whispers.

"So you told him to go after her?" he smiles

"I told him to be with whoever makes him happy," she shrugs.

Oliver chuckles a little at that.

"What?" She asks.

"I'm just thinking about how you keep telling other people what to do with their lives and you need to get back to yours." He says.

"I swear Oliver this is it, I'll be back at my boring IT job before you know it," she bites back.

"I thought you loved your job," he whispers.

"I do," she mumbles, "But sometimes I just wonder if it's enough? That somewhere out there I could be doing more."

His smile keeps growing, Felicity has saved dozen of lives by joining his team, and just like Dig, Roy, and Laurel, she's irreplaceable, but instead he says, "I think you're right where you should be for right now."

"Yeah, I mean I plan to be the head of my own department someday, so there's that."

"That's great," he says and suddenly her face changes and he just knows this conversation isn't going to end well.

"What do you want Oliver?"

"What?" He asks confused, by her changing the subject.

"What do you want, and I mean besides saving me and helping me save myself," she murmurs.

"I want you to be happy," he says automatically.

"You keep saying things like that without explaining them." She says, "But I am these past few months with you, well not with you with you, they've made me happy."

"But I'm not alive Felicity; I can't be your happiness." He says quietly.

"No, you can't," she frowns, "But I've got plans, and ideas and a life. What do you have Oliver?"

He shifts uncomfortably not finding the words he needs, and her defenses go right back up. Just like every other time he has been honest with her, every time that he's left her in the dark.

"Yeah, that's what I thought."

"I'm dead," he says coldly, "My plans don't matter."

"Everybody matters," she whispers backing away from him towards her room, "Even if you aren't alive now, your life mattered, and every life has a purpose because life is precious."

"Life is precious," he whispers to her back remembering a conversation from ages ago.

/

Its two days of clipped conversations and awkward office silence when it happens.

He's too busy watching her walk towards her car that he doesn't see him, so he can't warn her, and it all happens so quickly. The man's in a mask with a knife to her throat holding her upright.

"Give me your wallet," he hisses, "I don't want to hurt you but I will," his voice shakes.

"Do what he says," Oliver shouts, feeling helpless as he stands there and watches.

But Felicity has always been a fighter, she elbows him hard to the stomach thinking she has enough time to jump into her car but he slams her head against the door of her car before his knife sinks into her abdomen once... Twice.

"Stop," Oliver yells at him, "Just stop!"

She's crying quietly and the guy has the purse ripped out of her hands and takes off out of the small parking lot not even looking back.

She sinks to the ground holding her stomach and Oliver moves with her.

_Here's my girl in my arms dying just like every nightmare I've ever had_.

"Can't you save her?" he's yelling to his father but whenever he really needed him he was nowhere to be found.

"Who are you talking to?" Felicity murmurs.

She's gasping and she's lying alone in the street.

"Anyone who can help you Felicity," he whispers, hoping this time she won't ignore his voice, won't keep giving him one word responses. After all that's gone on, she has to forgive him.

"I'm dying Oliver," she whimpers looking up at the sound of his voice and he can't help to reach for her.

She can't feel it but his hand wraps around hers.

"No, someone will come, someone will save you. You still keep your cell in your pocket right?" Oliver asks her quickly.

She nods then winces grasping her stomach.

"Call 911," he whispers, "Leave the phone running, say you need help."

She follows his instructions but they both don't know how long they'll take to get to her.

"There are no heroes in Starling Oliver, our redemption died with The Glades, I'm sorry by the way for ignoring you again, we really have to stop all this fighting."

"Don't even worry about it," he lets out a shaky laugh, "We've had worse fights believe me."

"No it's just... Well it's not every day that your boss's son... Your boss's dead, but still attractive son's ghost talks to you, and says things to you that don't make sense. Like that in a different place you loved me. I mean how did this even happen?" she rambles.

"You talk a lot," he smiles, "Even in this other place that hasn't changed."

"Other place?" She asks again.

Oliver realized he'd just said it out loud, and then thought _the hell with it_.

"You know how I wasn't always dead," he murmured.

"You mentioned that," she manages a smile, "And it's very vague."

"Felicity maybe you don't need more stress at this point." He tells her.

"At this point," she mocks him, "I'd rather a story distract me from the stab wounds in my side, I deserve answers Oliver."

"I haven't decided yet if this place is heaven or my own personal hell." When she doesn't speak Oliver continues. "I didn't just die in this life, in a different reality; I made it home from Starling. I became a vigilante, Diggle helped, and eventually we brought you in too."

"John Diggle?" She questions, "Your mother's security guard? My security guard?"

"Yeah." He says quietly.

"So that's how you knew me then. So what happened then, why are you here?"

"Well I didn't succeed not really," he murmurs, "The Glades were still half destroyed, and then there was a whole other ghost from my past that wrecked the city, he murdered my mother."

"Oh Oliver, I could see why you'd want to stay here, it's probably easier." She's trying to sooth him, even though she's the one that was just stabbed.

"Almost every person's life was better off without me. More boring maybe, but better." He tells her.

"I don't believe that Oliver." She tilts her head a little her eyes searching for his invisible face.

Silence stretches out between them then before she whispers, "Did I die, in that other life?"

"No, and you won't now. I can hear the sirens," he reassures her.

"But if I can hear you then?"

"Don't think like that, your trajectory can change in minutes by small things," he tells her.

"Small things, like a good surgeon?" she asks.

"Yes, like that," he nods even though she can't see him.

"Oliver," she whispers, "So you protected us all then, made this place better." Just the way she said it as a statement rather than a question made his heart hurt.

"I guess, but Felicity, you were a large part of it. You were the first person to call me a hero. You believed I didn't have to kill to make changes."

"And I'll bet I was completely in love with you wasn't I?" He says nothing. "Oliver? Oh this is embarrassing. Please just say something."

The ambulance begins to pull up towards the lot before she hears him whisper in her ear, "You have nothing to be embarrassed about Felicity, I was completely in love with you too." And his words send a small shiver down her spine.

"Sara said that you loved me, but I didn't know what to make of it until now. I don't even really know you," she smiles.

"You know me better than anyone, Just... when you wake up, please let go of all of this, and me. I know it's all in Laurels hands, but it's just going to hurt you and anyone else who knows about it if they find you. Malcolm's going to be brought to justice one way or another."

"And your mother?" She gasps interrupting him. "She gets a little jail time even after she helped crash The Gambit? Leveled The Glades? Killed you?"

"She didn't kill…"

"Yes she did Oliver; she might as well have shot you herself by being a part of it. And if I loved you as much as you say, I wouldn't let this go, not when there are still people in Starling who need to be tried for their crimes. That book incriminates both Malcolm and Moira, but what about those other people on that list? Laurel won't be able to stop them all. We still need a hero."

"Please," he whispers, "Just let it go, let me go."

He doesn't notice the paramedics or the many voices asking her questions as she slips in and out of consciousness, he hears the words blood loss, possible concussion, but he just stays with his hand in hers, brushing his fingers down her face as they load her into the ambulance.

/

It was a common mugging. Oliver followed Officer Lance as he questioned her, and explained how they'd found the guy trying to use one of her credits cards down at a gas station. He was starving and has a family and was desperate. No one had hired the man to kill her, he just needed her purse and she fought back so he stabbed her.

Why did she manage to have the worst luck in the world? Aside from maybe his.

Two hours of surgery, 24 stitches, and 45 minutes after her operation, she's finally awake, and all he feels is relief, and love. He could kid himself all he wanted about how this wasn't his Felicity, but she was still the same woman just short a few memories and he loved her.

He walks into her room, taking in her groggy state. "Sweetheart," he whispers, sitting in the chair set by her hospital bed. And there's nothing. She doesn't glance up, doesn't acknowledge that he's even here. She was safe again even if he couldn't speak to her this is what was best, even if it hurt.

He leans into her now, tears filling his eyes, but not out of fear anymore, she'll be okay now.

_"__Sometimes we have to let go of the people we love, even when we don't want to," _he hears her voice say quietly, even though her lips aren't moving. It's just like the other night when he thought he heard her.

"I love you," he whispers into her hair, "Even if I'm not alive, this life or the next, I love you. After everything that island did to me, you brought me back."

He kisses her forehead lightly wondering if this is what his father meant accepting what was going on around him. Realizing that Felicity would get to move along with her life without him, he didn't just need her to let him go, he needed to let her go.

"You need to move on now, from all of this. You need to live. Goodbye Miss Smoak."

Oliver was so busy worrying about what needed to be done next he didn't hear her faint voice whisper from the hospital bed as he shut the door behind him "Goodbye Mr. Queen."


End file.
